Ansley

At around this time of year, in the Fall of 2000, I was starting my second year living with my two very best friends. Brooke, Jenny, and I lived in Gainesville together and had a fabulously cute apartment. The two years we lived together were some of the best in my life.

After living together for one full year, we decided it was time to tackle parenthood. And along came Ansley. The most adorable yellow lab puppy on the planet. I so vividly remember driving to go and see the litter of lab puppies. So excited and hopeful to choose a puppy to take home with us. If I remember correctly, Ansley was the last yellow lab puppy and we knew immediately that she was the one.

We left the breeders home with our new bundle and went to Petsmart to get her everything she could possibly need.

As a puppy, Ansley was a glorious mess. I think we were so unprepared for those next months of puppy training. Ansley whined and cried at night so eventually she had to sleep in Brooke's room with her. She chewed up everything in sight, including a hole in the wall. She was bursting with energy.

We paid for her to be professionally trained-- overall it was such a failure. Ansley was who she was-- and we loved her for it.

After that one year we all went separate ways. Brooke got married, Jenny moved in with her sister, and I moved in with Dillon. But, though Ansley lived with Jenny, she stayed a part of all of us. I took her home with me to Bartow on weekends and helped with letting her out and such when Jenny was working. Later, she lived in Asheville with Daniel (I couldn't have pets at the house I rented) while Jenny was in graduate school in Boston and I saw her almost every day.

Over the last few years Ansley has come to Georgia a number of times when Jenny has come to visit. And I've seen her in Florida when we were there at the same time. One of her most endearing qualities was her exuberance for life. She was SO excited to see me every time I saw her. She would nudge and nudge and nudge my arm to pet her. Or rub up against us, wagging and wagging her tail. Ansley was okay with other dogs, but what she really loved was people. And what she loved best? That's easy.

Jenny.

The relationship between Jenny and Ansley reminds me a lot of my relationship with Delia. They were a perfect match.  Never has a dog been more loved or better cared for than the way Jenny took care of and loved Ansley. Ansley loved me, and she loved Brooke, but she loved Jenny. They were such close companions in a way that I can so relate to in what I had with Delia. 

Ansley has had a number of health problems over the last months and years. Jenny fought very hard to give her anything and everything she could possibly need. She enabled Ansley to maintain a great quality of life even at 12 years old. 

Ansley died a week ago and the loss has been, of course, horrifying and traumatic for Jenny. A grief that I know so well and really didn't want to experience again so soon after losing Delia.  Losing a companion like Ansley just changes your whole life. It is so hard to know that Jenny is dealing with that extreme loss right now. And there is nothing to say or do to help ease that grief. It is a constant ache and something that haunts every moment, making sleep difficult and "moving on" feel so impossible. Her whole world has changed and it means that she now has to find a new normal-- and that can be a terrible thing.

Jenny is my best friend and I love her dearly. And I loved Ansley. I am thankful that Jenny gave Ansley such an incredible life and I love that Ansley gave so much back to Jenny. I loved knowing that they were always together-- taking care of each other.

I am so sad that she is gone. She has been a part of our lives for a dozen years and she entered our lives at such a special time in our friendship.

No loss is easy, but this one feels particularly hard.