Meeting Sweet Riley

When Julia was born 15 years ago, Lyle and I were at the hospital. We wandered around searching for food and just exploring in general, we tried to sleep in the waiting room and we (impatiently) endured the hours waiting for her to make her debut. We were only 17 and it was kind of a bizarre, but exciting adventure to be there in the building waiting for her.

When Courtney went into labor with Riley at the end of July I SO wish that I could have been there. Under any other circumstances (like not having a 2 month old myself), I would have been up there in a flash, waiting at the hospital, eager for Riley to arrive.

A couple of weeks ago I (finally!) got to meet sweet Riley when my brave sister took a week-long road trip with her and stopped by our house for a quick visit. It wasn't nearly enough time to adequately love on that sweet baby, but I am SO thankful, and a little ashamed, that Courtney brought her to see us. Sorry Sis, that I couldn't get up to Maryland to see the little one and you had to do all of the traveling.

Riley is already so loved and going to be such a sweet addition to our family. I simply adore my nieces and nephews. Fifteen years (and 1 month) ago, I became an aunt for the first time and it changed my life. Julia has been one of my greatest blessings in life. I am so thankful for her, Bailey, Will, Tommy, Anna Kate, and now, little Riley.

Welcome to the crazy Carver clan little girl.

Carver with Andrea, Courtney's friend and traveling partner. And, Carver's new BFF.

The babies cruising around the Dillard House. Love the BOB stroller!

Carson and me at the Dillard House.

Aunt Courtney and Carson. (hee hee hee, Carson looks silly here)

Aunt Courtney and an uncooperative 2 year old.

Me and Riley!

Riley and Carson.

Carson trying to pull Riley's ear off-- we had to peel back his fingers one by one. Poor girl...

I am so excited that Courtney and I have kids only 9 weeks apart in age. It has already been so fun to get to share this with her, good stuff, bad stuff, funny stuff. Yay for a really great sister :)

Carson-- 4 Months

Four months with this sweet boy have flown by. I just can't get enough of his chubby face and enormous smiles.  Seriously, I could snuggle with him all day. But, I have a 2 year old, and a house, and a job, and weight to lose... So we fit snuggle time in when we can but it is never enough.

Stats (approximation):
Weight: 16+ lbs
Height: 25 or so inches

New Stuff or noteworthy stuff:

1) Carson has started chuckling!

2) He loves to suck on his hands and thumb.

3) He has a favorite pacifier. We lost it this week and it was an ordeal. No worries-- it has now been replaced. Whew.

4) Rolling, rolling, rolling. Even when strapped into seats that make it impossible, he still tries.

5) Starting to show an interest in some toys.

6) Still getting up 2-3 times a night. He also takes about  2 short little naps in the morning and sometimes another short nap in the evening before bedtime. I'm planning to start getting him scheduled a little better in the coming weeks. He goes to bed sometime between 7:30 and 8:30. He wakes up happy and ready to go around 6:00 or so. Yay. Not really. That was sarcasm.

7) He finds his big brother REALLY fascinating. And, as a side note, Carver has been super sweet to him lately. Bringing him his pacifiers, patting him on the head, and even hugging him occasionally. Love it.

At the risk of getting repetitive and annoying I just have to say it again-- I adore these boys. I am so incredibly thankful that I am their mom. I am blessed. Exhausted, overwhelmed and often impatient-- but oh so blessed. I can't wait to see what new stuff Carson figures out in this next month.

And, just for fun, some of Carson's  most common expressions.

Distracted. Usually by Carver or some unseen but fascinating thing over "there."

Perplexed.

Joy!

Suspicion.

Brothers

Sometimes they are sweet...

and sometimes they are not.

Sometimes they just hang out....

 and sometimes they annoy each other.

And one day, big brother will teach little brother all of his tricks.

This love.

Carson loves to snuggle. In general, if he is being held he is content. He likes to be held tight, right up against me. If we are laying down together and I try to move him over to get a little room he inevitably wiggles his way back down so he is pressed right up to me once again.

I can't adequately tell you what good things this does to my heart.

I love to watch him sleep. I love how long his eyelashes look when his eyes are closed. I love how he tucks his fists up under his chin or flings one arm across my chest when he is deeply asleep.

When I found out I was pregnant with Carson I knew what to expect. I understood, this second time around, that the end result of these 40 weeks would be an incredible, life-changing  love. Because that is what I first felt with Carver.

Watching Carson, or even Carver, sleep just fills me with hope. Hope for the future, hope for the world. I feel so much excitement and curiosity about what the future will hold. About what is coming in these next months and years.

But, I also struggle with being fearful. Which I have discussed here before.

Deciding to have a second child has increased this anxiety I feel. My word, I worry about these boys. Not particularly rational worries, my fears often just take hold and then overwhelm my rational side. I've said it dozens of times now, but I really believe that parenting is an extreme act of faith. Because I know, that no matter how hard I try, I can't keep the boys totally safe. The thought terrifies me, but I have to learn to use it as a reminder to pray.To pray without ceasing that my boys will be safe. That they will be happy. That they will know extraordinary love, peace, and grace.

This love I feel for them completely overwhelms me. And I will continue to fight not to get weighed down by my worries and fears. These days are passing so quickly. Soon, Carson will no longer want to snuggle with me all day long. And Carver will no longer beg me to carry him upstairs, or rock with him in the glider. If I could stop this passage of time I would. I would hold on to every moment, big and small. But, I can't keep my children young and with me (all the time) forever. But, I can pray for them. And I will do this diligently.

I will pray for their safety.

I will pray for their happiness.

I will pray for their character.

I will pray for their future.

This love. It feels like so much more than my heart can hold.

A new role.

Even though I have been a mom now for 2 years and 8 months, I feel like my job description is still constantly changing and evolving.

And I love it.

This Fall, I am now the parent of a child that attends school. Which means that I now get to be involved in "school stuff."

So fun!

I feel a little embarrassed to admit how much I am loving this stuff. And school has only been in session for 1 month so far. But it is really fun to be involved with Carver as he starts in this newest phase of life.

Two weeks ago I baked a lot of goodies for the school bake sale.

The pile o' goodies: Peanut Butter Chocolate Bars; Fluffer Nutter Bites; Oreo Cheesecake cookies; Rolo Stuffed Snickerdoodles. (This was a fabulous way to use all those Pinterest recipes I have pinned!)

This week it was our week to provide Carver's class with snacks on Tuesday and Thursday.

Snack Mix: Annie's Graham Bunnies, Pretzel Goldfish; Space Adventures Goldfish; Craisins; honey sesame sticks. (plus yogurt covered raisins, not pictured)

Tuesday Snack: Snack mix; individual fruit cups (strawberries, grapes, blueberries, and raspberries)

Thursday Snack: Mini Muffin Trio (pumpkin apple, carrot/apple/coconut, sweet potato oat); Buddy Fruits
See Weelicious for the muffin recipes. Love this website-- thanks, Ellen, for introducing it to me many months ago!

I am so neurotic. I spent an obscene amount of time trying to decide what to make for these things. Pouring over recipes for the bake sale items, and thinking through what would be the perfect snacks for a class of 4 two-year-olds. Really, it is embarrassing.

And, I can't wait to do it again....

Seriously, what does this say about my life?

Eight Months

Over 200 days since I saw Delia last. Eight months and I think about her at least a dozen times every single day. Every single day.

Grief is such a terrible thing. It just changes you. And I know that some handle it better than others. I do not handle it well.

There has been a lot of loss in the last years.

I just feel this constant ache. A hurt that doesn't ever go completely away.Most days I choose to just not think about Delia. That seems so wrong, but I just can't bear it.  I can't stand that she is gone. It is a horrible thing.

I miss her everyday. All day.

No change, even eight months later.

August Phone Dump

A few of our previously unmentioned August happenings...

We revisited the lunch-inside-easter-eggs, just for fun.

Craft time-- cardboard, colored fluffy balls, crayons and glue stick. We're very high tech around here.

Carver looking more and more like a big boy.

Bedtime with Lea...

and Daddy. (and me taking pics, of course)

I came home on our anniversary to find these waiting for me. It reminded me of our last summer at Crestridge when Daniel put fresh flowers in my cabin every single week. One of my favorite memories of our dating days.

Late night ice cream run in our pjs.

We need to work on the art of eating a cone. No, you can't take a bite out of the middle.

Tummy time!

The boys just chilling, you know, with Carver using Carson as an armrest. Of course.

Carver. No explanation needed.

Sneaky Carver with stolen M&Ms (stolen from the counter, not the store. No felons here.)

Holding on for dear life. Carson often has this panicked look on his face. I blame Carver. I probably have the same look on my face much of the time.

Whoa, belly!

Bouncy house fun @ MOPS

He was a sweaty, dirty mess.

But he loved every minute of it.

Cooling off :)

Going down the stairs rather than the slide. Nonconformist.

Carver's new 'do. Shorter than expected. It's cute, but I think we'll let it grow out some and save the shaved head for summertime.

Sweet boys in their shirts from Brooke!

Playing at Strong Rock during family camp weekend.

Watching Daddy make huge bubbles.

And trying to do it himself.

Sitting with the other kids. Yes, SITTING. Maybe school really is worth every penny we are paying.

The life of a camp kid.

A little mosquito protection while out at camp. He was not amused.

It was another busy and crazy month in our household. Equal parts routine, chaos, stress and fun.

I'm exhausted.