Ansley

At around this time of year, in the Fall of 2000, I was starting my second year living with my two very best friends. Brooke, Jenny, and I lived in Gainesville together and had a fabulously cute apartment. The two years we lived together were some of the best in my life.

After living together for one full year, we decided it was time to tackle parenthood. And along came Ansley. The most adorable yellow lab puppy on the planet. I so vividly remember driving to go and see the litter of lab puppies. So excited and hopeful to choose a puppy to take home with us. If I remember correctly, Ansley was the last yellow lab puppy and we knew immediately that she was the one.

We left the breeders home with our new bundle and went to Petsmart to get her everything she could possibly need.

As a puppy, Ansley was a glorious mess. I think we were so unprepared for those next months of puppy training. Ansley whined and cried at night so eventually she had to sleep in Brooke's room with her. She chewed up everything in sight, including a hole in the wall. She was bursting with energy.

We paid for her to be professionally trained-- overall it was such a failure. Ansley was who she was-- and we loved her for it.

After that one year we all went separate ways. Brooke got married, Jenny moved in with her sister, and I moved in with Dillon. But, though Ansley lived with Jenny, she stayed a part of all of us. I took her home with me to Bartow on weekends and helped with letting her out and such when Jenny was working. Later, she lived in Asheville with Daniel (I couldn't have pets at the house I rented) while Jenny was in graduate school in Boston and I saw her almost every day.

Over the last few years Ansley has come to Georgia a number of times when Jenny has come to visit. And I've seen her in Florida when we were there at the same time. One of her most endearing qualities was her exuberance for life. She was SO excited to see me every time I saw her. She would nudge and nudge and nudge my arm to pet her. Or rub up against us, wagging and wagging her tail. Ansley was okay with other dogs, but what she really loved was people. And what she loved best? That's easy.

Jenny.

The relationship between Jenny and Ansley reminds me a lot of my relationship with Delia. They were a perfect match.  Never has a dog been more loved or better cared for than the way Jenny took care of and loved Ansley. Ansley loved me, and she loved Brooke, but she loved Jenny. They were such close companions in a way that I can so relate to in what I had with Delia. 

Ansley has had a number of health problems over the last months and years. Jenny fought very hard to give her anything and everything she could possibly need. She enabled Ansley to maintain a great quality of life even at 12 years old. 

Ansley died a week ago and the loss has been, of course, horrifying and traumatic for Jenny. A grief that I know so well and really didn't want to experience again so soon after losing Delia.  Losing a companion like Ansley just changes your whole life. It is so hard to know that Jenny is dealing with that extreme loss right now. And there is nothing to say or do to help ease that grief. It is a constant ache and something that haunts every moment, making sleep difficult and "moving on" feel so impossible. Her whole world has changed and it means that she now has to find a new normal-- and that can be a terrible thing.

Jenny is my best friend and I love her dearly. And I loved Ansley. I am thankful that Jenny gave Ansley such an incredible life and I love that Ansley gave so much back to Jenny. I loved knowing that they were always together-- taking care of each other.

I am so sad that she is gone. She has been a part of our lives for a dozen years and she entered our lives at such a special time in our friendship.

No loss is easy, but this one feels particularly hard.

Carson-- 3 Months

This last month with Carson has been such a complete JOY. I feel like we got off to a little rough start with the little one. He didn't sleep overly well, he was difficult to console, and we weren't able to put him down very often. Either my mom or I held him pretty much 24 hours a day for the first month or so of his life.

But now things have just seemed to fall into place. Carson is such an easy, happy baby. He loves to snuggle and he holds on tight to my shirt, or a chunk of my hair when I am holding him. He loves his pacifier, he smiles almost every time I look at him or talk to him, and he kicks and kicks and kicks his little legs. I could literally sit and watch him all day.

I'm glad hearts can't be over-full or mine would have burst this last month.

Stats:
Weight: 14.11 lbs
Height: Not sure

Other

1) Carson has finally started liking "tummy time."

2) He rolled over!

3) He had his first sick baby doctor's appointment. Sad.
    Diagnosis: Ear infection.

On the examining table.

4) He and Lea spend a lot of bonding time together.

5) He smiles all. the. time.

6) He loves to cuddle.

I am so completely in love with this sweet boy. I can't describe it. Before he was born I just couldn't figure out how my heart would be big enough to love this new baby as much as I already loved Carver. But God gives us this incredible capacity to love and it happens immediately and is completely breathtaking.

There is something about an infant that just fills me with this sense of wonder and hope. I wish I could freeze my life right now. I am anxious to see what these next months will hold, but I am already dreading the passing of time. My boys, they amaze me. Even hard days, and we have a lot of them, are still pretty great.

A Special Date

I wouldn't trade Carson for anything in the world. My boys, both of them, have given so much meaning to my life. Deciding to have a second child was the best thing we could have done for Carver and our family as a whole-- I am completely convinced of this.

But, I miss Carver. I miss the days when I could be completely focused on him; his needs, his wants, his growth and development. Those first 2 years and 5 months of his life we spent 99% of our time together. At least. We still spend most of our time together, but things have changed. I can't give Carver undivided attention anymore. Two days a week he goes to school in the morning and I don't even get to see him. This has been such an adjustment for me.

Like Delia before him, Carver kind of became my sidekick. And I do miss those days. A lot.

Last Wednesday, Daniel offered to keep Carson for a couple of hours so that Carver and I could get out of the house and spend some time together. Surprise! We went to the museum. I can't tell you how worth it it was to get those annual passes :) We love it there.

Carver and I headed out and spent a couple of hours just playing together at the museum. It was so fun to just sit and play with him without having to continually soothe Carson or push his stroller around. Carver had a great time and so did I.

"Cooking" in the diner.

The Model Trains are still the favorite thing at the museum.

After the museum we headed to Chick-fil-A for lunch and then back home to rescue Daniel and see the sweet baby.

It was a short date, but so very needed. I am so thankful that Daniel kept Carson so that Carver and I could have a morning off together. I am so thankful that I have this incredible 2 year old that drives me crazy but is so. much. fun.

I can't wait to do it again.

A weekend away.

Last weekend we finally escaped Georgia and normal life for the first time since Carson's arrival. After Carver got out of school at noon on Thursday we picked him up and headed to Winston Salem to visit Daniel's family and have a much needed weekend together.

It is becoming a routine of sorts to swing by and see Ellen and her family when we are on our way to Winston. I am so thankful that their home is an easy detour when we are making that trip. The visits still are not frequent enough, and they are extremely short, but they are fairly regular-- which is such a blessing. Carver LOVES playing at Emerson's house, though I'm not sure how much Emerson loves having him there. Carver can be a little overwhelming :) It was sweet to introduce Ellen to Carson, to see Ellen's mom and sister who were there visiting also, and to hug Terry as we were heading out the door. It was also fun to see Ellen and her cute pregnant belly (she is a much cuter pregnant person than me). Can't wait to meet her little man-- hopefully at Christmas.

I have to start taking more pics during our visits.

After Winston we headed the rest of the way to Daniel's parents house. Carson did GREAT on the drive, which was such a relief. Carver was, well, decent, considering he had no nap. That weekend Carver slept in a twin bed, without a railing, and never fell out. Hooray!

On Friday, Carver hung out with his grandparents, and Daniel and I took Carson to do a little shopping and eat lunch at Jason's Deli. Good grief I love that place. We went to Babies R' Us and made a few other stops before heading home for nap time.

On Saturday we headed to the Children's Museum of Winston Salem for the first time. Carver had a fabulous time. It is a fairly big museum and he really loved it.

Saturday night was the highlight of the weekend for me. Daniel's mom invited all of the extended family over for a cook-out and we just love any chance we get to spend time with them. I have been so blessed by Daniel's extended family-- his aunts, uncles, and cousins are so good to us and to our boys. I wish we saw them more often but I love when we do get to visit with them while we are in town.

On Sunday we went to church and out to lunch and then made the drive back home. The boys were really good again and the drive was, thankfully, uneventful.

The best part of the weekend was getting to spend time together as a family, all four of us. I'm looking forward to more weekends together in the near future.

Carver's First Day of School--Ever

Yesterday was a really big day at our house-- Carver's very first day of school. I have been both dreading and anticipating this day ever since we made the decision to start him in a school program this Fall.

It was hard to decide to start him in school as a 2 year old. The academic career of kids is SO long that starting him early seemed just wrong in some ways. But, he needed the opportunity for more social interaction, a chance to escape from the craziness of having a baby at the house, and I needed a little time to spend focusing on sweet Carson. It is bittersweet though-- ending this phase of life when Carver is home, with me, full-time. It makes me sad that it has ended, but excited about what is to come.

Luckily we found a great school, NOT a day care, that we really think will encourage his growth academically, socially, and even spiritually. So far we have been very impressed with his teacher and the school in general.

We spent the last few weeks working on Carver's summer reading list. That's right-- he had a list of books we were to read this summer AND a reading log to complete.

Then we did a little shopping-- some new clothes, a new backpack, folders, shoes, etc. (This was the fun part!)

Tuesday morning we were up bright and early to get Carver ready for the big day. Daniel made breakfast and fed Carver, I dealt with the little one, and we were all ready on time. Whew.

My attempt at pictures before school was a complete and utter failure.

At school we walked Carver in to his classroom. He jumped right in, dumping blocks and exploring the room. He had a brief moment of uncertainty when I actually told him goodbye and went to leave the room, but his (fabulous) teacher immediately got him distracted  with the blocks and there were no tears-- from either of us.

Sitting in the carpool lane at 12:00 I was just overwhelmed by where we are in life. Two boys, one starting school. A car full of carseats, strollers, diaper bags, toys, and crumbs. There are so many days when I think that I just can't do this. Too much stress, too much work, not enough sleep, or patience, or help. But then there are quiet moments in the carpool lane. When my almost 3-month-old is sleeping soundly in the back and I am eagerly anticipating seeing Carver after our morning apart and I think...

Of course this is my life. Where else would I rather be?

A little first-day-of-school lunch treat :)

Family Fun Days

Last weekend we were able to have two fun family days-- the first time that we have really spent much time alone together since we became a family of four. The days were not without their stresses-- but we had such a great time just playing together and enjoying a break from work and home life.

On Sunday we headed back to the museum-- the first time Daniel was able to come along. Then we had dinner (always an experience with two kids), and did a little school shopping for Carver.

Carver playing at the museum.

Heading out!

His Favorite-- the model trains

In the airplane cockpit.

Leaving the museum. To end the predictable tantrum thrown about leaving we had to bribe him with promises of picking red berries from the bush in the parking lot.

Carson at the museum.

Apparently, 2-month old babies sitting in a carseat does not look all that different from picture to picture...

 

Monday we went to the Frances Meadows Aquatic Center in Gainesville. Carver had the best time here. Daniel chased him around while Carson and I took pictures and hung out in the shade. (I have a lot of work to do before wearing a bathing suit in public would be appropriate).

Monday night we headed to the park so Carson and I could walk laps on the track and Daniel and Carver played on the playground.

Now we are back to normal life-- Daniel working long hours and the boys and I trying to fill our days. Hopefully just a few more weeks until the summer schedule is really over and we get into a more "normal" way of life.

I am so loving this family God has blessed me with. No days are perfect, but we're making it work.

I have no successful pictures with this baby! Notice the massive amount of spit-up coming out of his mouth at exactly the moment the picture was taken. Perfect.