Carson-- 11 Months

Four short weeks until my baby boy turns 1. I'm feeling a little sad about that. I'm excited, but the first birthday is a hard milestone for me. It feels like such a big shift from babyhood to the toddler years. Carver was so independent by this stage, but Carson has stayed a little more dependent and attached. Maybe that makes this feel harder. Right now he just feels like he is mine, but the older he gets the more and more I will have to share him with others. I'm just feeling selfish and wanting to cling tightly to this phase of his life.

My favorite moments. I will hold tight to these memories.

There have been some changes this last month...

1) FOUR new teeth! All across the top. Teething is really miserable for Cargy, so we were very thankful when they finally broke through and he seemed to find some relief.

This is how Carson feels about the whole teething process.
 I feel the same way, but pictures of me crying are not nearly as cute. 

2) Slowly showing signs of a little independence. Like climbing the stairs (yikes!) and occasionally wandering off to explore or play on his own or with Carver.

3) Foods-- he has finally embraced eating solids. Woohoo! His favorites are bananas and mangoes. We're working on expanding his list of acceptable foods. He loves puffs and vegetable ritz crackers. He likes eating out of the baby food pouches and is great at holding it and feeding himself. He is now up to eating three times a day.

And no, he will not take a bottle or a cup. It's a sore point so let's not talk about it.

4) Sleeping patterns-- no change here. He goes to bed at 7:30 p.m. On a normal night he is up at 10:30, 1:30, and 4:30 or so. Then he goes back to sleep until about 7:30 a.m. Praying that soon this shifts and he starts sleeping through the night. It is starting to make me cranky.

5) I'm not sure about his stats, but I think he weighs around 23 lbs. He is finally gaining weight after his huge drop in percentiles between 6 and 9 months. Hoping he keeps growing steadily. He wears 6-12 or 9 month size clothes, and size 3 diapers.

6) Two words: Dada he has been saying but just last week he said Mama for the first time :)

7) He LOVES his pacifiers.

8) He still prefers sitting on his knees rather than on his bottom. He now "walks" on his knees too.

9) He and Carver have really started to play some together. They both get annoyed with the other (Carver more than Cargy) but in general they seem to really be enjoying each other.

10) He claps, points at things, and waves. Love love love this.

I'm in full party planning mode. I think his first birthday will be super fun. This will be my first time hosting a birthday party actually at our house, so I'm excited about that. The party is tentatively planned for June so that family can be here and I can't wait! Planning birthday parties is one of my very favorite things. SO FUN.

A little preview of the party theme. Party shirts for both boys :)

Sometimes I look at Carson and I just can't believe he is mine. That God saw fit to give him to us even after seeing all the mistakes I have made with Carver. We are beyond blessed by these boys. It makes my heart hurt sometimes-- it feels like it is not big enough to hold all of this love. God knew exactly what I needed when he gave Carson to us. He is the perfect addition and I am humbled and thankful and overwhelmed (in a good way).

Stay tuned, one short month until the BIG birthday blog post and then later the REALLY BIG party post!

Friends

I've been incredibly blessed in my life. In a lot of ways, but especially through my friends. I have the most amazing lifelong friends. This handful of girls have seen it all with me. The good sides of me and the not-so-good sides. We have laughed, fought, traveled, lived together, and shared every single important moment.

One of my oldest friends is Brooke. We've been friends, best friends, for more than 25 years now. I can't really remember a time when she wasn't important to me. We don't get to see each other as much as I would like. And, we don't even talk as much as I wish. But, she knows I love her, and I know she loves me.

Brooke was one of the first of my friends to visit after Carver was born. He was still tiny when she met him. She was also the very first non-family member to meet Carson. She actually surprised me at the hospital when Cargy was born. She is the only person that visited us in the hospital. My mom and Daniel's parents were there, of course, but no one else. Not a single other visitor. That makes me a little sad. BUT, Brooke came. And, I can't adequately describe how much that meant to me.

Anyway-- to the point of all this. Brooke came to visit me a few weeks ago! She and Robby and the kiddos dropped in for one night. It was too short but such a sweet visit. Brooke is family. Absolutely. We speak the same language. We are so different in a lot of ways but we have that history that just can't be replaced. She gets me and I get her. And I miss her.

We had a really fun quick visit at my house then met again for dinner a couple of weeks later when I was in Florida.

I'm thankful for every chance we get to see each other.

Hiking

A hiker I am not. I used to try to be a hiker. I bought expensive gear. I tried to look the part of an outdoorsy girl that likes to camp and hike and whatnot. But, alas, that just isn't who I am.

Anyway, none of that is the point of this post.

Back in February (I know, I know, I'm still catching up), Mom, Daniel, the boys and I all went for a little afternoon hike. The day was gorgeous, the sun was shining, and we wanted to get out. Daniel found a short hike to a waterfall super close to our house. We packed a lunch and headed out.

The hike was beautiful and manageable, even for me. Carver was thrilled to be outside. My mom LOVES things like this and so does Daniel. I, typically, do not. However, it was something fun and different to do and I hope to go back soon.

Daniel lugged Carson for the hike, wearing him in the baby carrier. Carver walked for most of the downhill part. And periodically held Lea's leash and walked her.

We got down to the waterfall and it was beautiful and very very worth it.

Then we started back. Carver decided he didn't want to walk, so Daniel carried BOTH boys uphill and back to the car. I was winded just carrying my own body weight. Which is sad, really.

Anyway, this was definitely an afternoon well spent.

Siblings

Today is National Sibling Day...or something like that. Facebook has been full of posts about siblings, you know, "share this if you love your sibling" etc. Which is all fine and good, but come on-- I love my siblings but for a big holiday like National Sibling Day you kind of need to say something a little more meaningful.

As soon as Carver was born I knew that I would have more kids. It was never a question with me. Why? Because I just wanted Carver to have what I had, to know the bond that only comes from your relationship with a brother or sister-- or both if you are lucky enough.

And that is how I feel-- lucky, just extremely lucky and blessed and THANKFUL for Courtney and Lyle.

Courtney and I played fairly well when we were young. I wanted to be just like her. I even chose some of my likes and dislikes based on her opinion of them. I was likely an average little sister-- "borrowed" things without asking and in general drove her insane. I'm not sure that she really liked me as a kid. We had one year together in high school which was a blessing for me-- she helped the transition go much more smoothly. Then she was gone for the next two years  and it was just Lyle and me at home. During that phase our age difference felt like a pretty significant gap.

Then college came and I followed her to UF. I never, never would have survived my first year of college without her. She helped me find my classes, figure out where to pay my tuition, took me to many of my classes, etc. She saved my life. I think that is when we really figured out our relationship. She looked out for me, bailed me out of trouble when I needed it, and we ultimately became friends-- good friends. She is extraordinarily selfless, she gives the BEST gifts, and she is loyal and dependable-- always. She is also hilarious, even if she doesn't think so.

For example: I recently texted her a picture of some ear candles I bought. Courtney is an audiologist with Johns Hopkins and she has a bit of an issue with "ear candles."
                     Her response:
"If those don't work try leeches. Or a witch doctor. Maybe a time machine to go back to the Dark Ages."

See? So dang funny.

Now we are adults and some of the best times of my life over the last few years were visits spent with her and Jules in Baltimore. She is my favorite travel partner too. So many memories that I am thankful for...London, Hawaii, Vegas, Colorado, etc. I hope hope hope for more trips to come.

Getting to have babies only two months apart has also changed our relationship some. Given us one more thing in common. I SO wish we lived in the same city. Maybe one day.

Lyle and I were always close, though to varying degrees. As children we fought like crazy. But I have a lot of memories of playing cars with Lyle and him playing "house" or "school" with me. There is comfort in having a twin. We were usually at the same schools and had the same group of friends. There is also competitveness-- and try as I might I could never quite catch him academically. It still frustrates me. (I couldn't catch Court either). Our senior year we were basically inseparable. We each had cars but chose to ride to school together every day. I even, begrudgingly, joined the tennis team because he wanted me to. Then after high school we moved in together in Gainesville for our first year of college. We fought some, but overall I loved that year. Just the two of us, being on our own. I eventually dragged him to Crestridge with me so we were able to share a love of that place also.

Lyle is SO funny. He is just witty. He can be sarcastic in the best way possible and he tells the best stories. I miss him. We don't get to see each other as often as I would like-- life just gets in the way sometimes. I think a piece of my heart is missing because there is a little bit of a void in my life. I wish we were neighbors, raising our kids together. He'll always be my best friend.

I'd be remiss in talking about siblings if I didn't mention CJ. We visited his grave last week when I was in Bartow. It is amazing how long-lasting grief can be for a brother you never met. Lyle and I are so close, but there is always, in the back of my head, that thought that we started as 3, not two. So many "what ifs"? So much curiosity over what he would have been like and how he would have changed the dynamic of our family. One day I'll get to meet him face to face. The promise of heaven is a comfort here.

And I'm SUPER blessed by a fabulous brother-in-law and sister-in-law. I'm thankful for Michael and Holly and for the addition they are to our family. I am thankful that they love Courtney and Lyle and I am lucky to call both of them friend.

Courtney and Lyle are two of the most important people in my world. I hope they know that.