Dear Carver,
Nine years old tomorrow. It seems impossible. Unthinkable. Sometimes I wish I could go back to when you were a baby, not to change anything, but just to get to experience it again and again. Those were sweet days and months and years.
But there is a certain sweetness that is very different to these days too. We have real conversations now. You ask really good questions and you like to talk. especially at night when you are snuggled up in bed. You have a kind heart-- you care about people who you think are less fortunate and you have a big heart for animals. And we are working on getting you to be a bit kinder to your brother :)
This last year has been hard-- for you and for me. You have been slowly struggling more and more with a quiet sadness and I have struggled more and more with not knowing how to help you. Parents want their kids to be happy and content and worry-free, so when you are sad I am right there feeling it with you. My heart hurts for you, but we are going to figure this out. That's one thing I can promise you-- I'll always be around to help you navigate through the hard things.
A surprising recent development is that you actually like school now (woohoo!). You rarely ask me to homeschool you anymore-- and I am very thankful :) You are doing well in school both with grades and friends, and we are very proud of you.
Your greatest love right now is video games. This is not my favorite. I am hoping your interests eventually change. I do love that you have something you really enjoy though.
This year the word I am praying for you is optimism. You and I are so much alike and I struggle with this too. Sometimes it is so easy to be negative or pessimistic....to look around and see the sad or the dark instead of the good and the light in the world. But I want you to be hopeful, to choose to view life in a positive way. Instead of seeing the things that go wrong in your day, to instead focus on all of the many things that go right. The many ways that you are blessed every single day. So that is my big prayer for you this year.
I tell you all the time that since the day of your birth these have been the very best years of my life. I am so very lucky to have you and I will always do the very best I can for you and your brother. Being your mom is the hardest best thing I have ever done.
I love you to the moon and back. A million times over.
Love,
Mama
