Fern

In February of 2019, Julia was in town visiting for the weekend and she decided that we were going to befriend a (ugly) little dog that had been running around the neighborhood for a bit. The dog was skittish and just sad. I LOVE animals, but I wasn't super interested in this dog. But, Julia was determined. She slowly lured the dog with treats and dog food. And it escalated pretty quickly-- this terrified dog actually let her pick it up just hours later. We found out she had made a nest of sorts under a neighbor's shed and we started feeding her out there, and provided blankets and water. Unfortunately, Julia left about 2 days later to head back to school and I was stuck with this nervous little dog to try to continue to care for.

On day one of my time alone with this dog we now called Fern, she bit me on the hip when I sat near her new bed space.

So then I was scared of this tiny, mean dog.

I kept feeding her twice a day, but kept my distance. It wasn't long before she became very affectionate. Needy even.

She joined me and Bentley on our walks; greeted me when I pulled in the driveway, and took up residence on our porch.

And I had no idea what to do. Daniel was completely opposed to us having another dog, especially Fern. Fern was not friendly. Like, at all. She loved me and she did well with the boys, but she didn't like Daniel. Or the neighbor kids. Or anyone that walked down our street. Or anyone that visited our house. Or any other dogs that were out in the neighborhood.

But she did well with Bentley and Winston and Felix. She became obsessed with me-- even attacking Daniel when he got too close to me. More than once :)

But because of her aggression, especially towards Daniel, I knew we couldn't keep her.

After about a month of caring for her, Carson and I put a leash and collar on her for the first time, loaded her in the car, and headed for the animal shelter.

I knew that was not the place for her. She didn't like strangers and she didn't like other dogs. I knew it was going to be awful, but it was so much worse. I carried her in and she wouldn't let anyone else touch her. I can still hear the way her toenails scrambled against the tile floor when she was trying so hard to get back to me as they had to drag her away.

I cried the whole way home.

Two days later I went back, to check in and see how she was doing, and to cover the cost of her adoption fee-- I hoped this would make it easier for her to find a home. While there I learned that she was doing very poorly. No one had been able to handle her. She was aggressive. Miserable.

I cried the whole way home again.

Then I emailed anyone I could find at the animal shelter. I wanted them to get to know her like I had; to not give up on her, to be patient.

After a few emails and phone calls back and forth, it was decided that Fern would come back home to live with us as we acted as her "adoption ambassadors." So I went and picked her up and brought her home and she was instantly just home. She loved to be close to me. She snuggled up to me on the couch and then, eventually, in bed at night. She liked Bentley and they would wrestle and play and then nap together. She tolerated Winston and was indifferent about Felix. She began to love Carver, and Carson too-- and she still didn't like Daniel. At all.

She barked at him almost every time she saw him. She growled. She nipped at him.

She continued this behavior with him and anyone new at the house.

She seemed to like both my mom and dad fairly well...but that's about it.

But, I loved her. Really loved her. And I worried about her. And I wanted her. She became a very important part of my life over those next weeks, that then turned into months. And. I thought, she will have to stay with me...because no one else will take this tiny, loud, aggressive dog. No one else will see what I see in her.

Right after I brought her back home from the shelter it was Spring Break and we had plans to go to FL. Leaving her with Daniel wasn't an option so she road-tripped with us. Including a night in a hotel each way. She traveled like a champ!

These two had a very special bond. 

She was often with Carver more than Carson, so I always made sure to take a picture when she was snuggling with Carson :)

But then, sometime around May, I got an email from one of the volunteers from the animal shelter. She was interested in meeting Fern. Her name was Beth. And eventually, in June, Fern went to live with her and her three dogs.

Beth was such a blessing to me. She gave me almost daily updates on how she was progressing and fitting in with her crew. She knew I was sad and she understood and let me just miss her. She was kind to me and I will never forget that.

Several months later I had the chance to go and visit Fern. I was SO excited. Nervous too. I would completely understand if she didn't recognize me, or if our bond had been broken, but it would have really hurt my feelings.

She was barking when I walked up to the door, and then still when the door opened. I spoke to her and then she just lost her mind. EXUBERANTLY EXCITED. Jumping, licking, yelping, crawling all over me in her excitement. I'm not sure I have ever felt as special to anyone as I did in that very moment. She hadn't forgotten me. She loved me still.

It took her a solid hour to calm down enough for me to take a picture of her. This was at Beth's house, the last time I saw her.

It was a sweet visit. A hard one, but a joyful one too. It was hard to leave but I am so thankful that I was able to see her one last time.

Beth and Fern moved to Illinois just a couple of months later. I won't get to see Fern again, and this makes me unspeakably sad. But she is safe, and well cared for. I did the best I could for her, and I am so grateful that Julia wanted to try to befriend the sad little dog that she saw one cold February morning.

I miss Fern. Like, heartsick miss her. Julia and I talk about her all the time. The boys do too. I wish she could have stayed with us. But even though my heart aches when I think about her now, I am so grateful for those months that she was a part of my life. Unconditional love is a real thing-- sometimes I think animals show it best.