My Boys

Yesterday we were sleeping in a bit (it was Saturday) and we had both boys in our queen size bed. Carver had crept in in the early morning hours, bringing his pillow like he always does. He climbed over me and settled in the middle and fell right back to sleep. A couple of hours later, Cargy came in, he crawled in beside me-- he likes to sleep on the outside of the bed-- and  after a minute or two of kisses and quiet "I love yous" he was fast asleep as well. And so we slept. All piled together in the too small bed. And I spent some time whining in my head about how much I want a king-sized bed.

But here's the thing.  I want a bigger bed. Because I want these two to be welcome in our bed for as many months or years as they want to climb in. When Carver is pressed up against my back and Cargy is sleeping with both arms wrapped around my neck I feel at ease. I feel like I can breathe. I feel a contentment that I rarely feel at any other moment. It is a contentment born of so many other emotions. And here is why.

Parenting has brought me to a level of anxiety and fear that has all but crippled me. But, during the early morning hours when I am laying quietly with the boys, I can hear their breathing, and look at their faces, and every now and then one of them will wake for a minute and roll over and kiss me before drifting back to sleep. And I feel those warm but fleeting moments of contentment.

Carver is just over 5 years old and Carson will be 3 in just about 2 months. I want to hold on so tightly to them how they are now, right this minute, because they are so special. And so much fun, And so unique. I am afraid I will forget the small details that make up our days and that makes me so afraid.

Carver turned 5 in December and will head to Kindergarten next Fall. It is hard to accept that these preschool years have come to an end. The idea of him being gone for so long, every single day, for an entire school year is just mind boggling. And the truth is, I don't want him to go. I am not ready for this part of our lives to end. I like having him home with me.

Carver does quite well in school. Most days he goes without any sort of hesitation, though occasionally he will tell me he wants to stay home. When I asked him who he played with at school that day, or who his closest friends are he always says, "everyone!" His favorite part of school is going outside to play on the playground. He usually comes home with super dirty knees and fingernails from digging in the dirt. He loves Fridays because that is the day he brings home all of his work from the week and he likes pulling each out to show me.

Carver loves to draw. He covers dozens of papers a day in letters, shapes, and pictures, and makes all kinds of artwork. He'll use anything he can find-- crayons, markers, stickers, pens-- and then he usually takes his drawing to put on the refrigerator. He likes  to make art "pieces" too-- he'll use paper towel holders, tape ( A LOT of tape), rubberbands, paper, and boxes to make all sorts of elaborate things.

He loves Hot Wheels racecars and tracks. He loves Transformers. And he LOVES dinosaurs. He likes to watch Batman on Netflix, and play with the Jurassic Park game on "his" iPad. He loves to play outside and go to playgrounds. He loves reading chapter books with me every single night. He likes to dance and he likes to sing (though he rarely gets the words correct).

He tells me that he loves me, and that I am his best friend. He's getting very independent but still has child-like emotions and can cry over anything and everything. He talks a lot and tends to be quite repetitive. He always asks permission before he does just about anything, and in response I must give a clear and specific "yes"-- ok, maybe, or sure, just aren't clear enough for him.

He is fairly fearless. He recently switched back to wanting to sleep in the dark, rather than with a light on. He'll ride roller coasters, try new things, and go to new places, all with very little hesitation.

He has little to no opinion about the clothes he wears. He thinks "potty humor" is hilarious. He teases Carson and tries to bother him. He likes to wrestle and play rough-- especially with his daddy. He is a pretty picky eater but currently has an impressive appetite.

He loves letters and numbers and asking questions. He most recently says he wants to be a scientist when he grows up.

He likes to take baths that are scalding hot.

Carver is a bit difficult, but he has an enormous heart. He is enthusiastic and excited and sweet and kind. I am so proud of him. I'm torn between being really curious about what he will be like in the coming ears, and REALLY wanting to freeze time so that I can keep Carver to myself.

Carson is quite different from his big brother. He has an ENORMOUS personality (like Carver in this regard). He talks constantly and  has a big vocabulary (he began talking about a full year and half earlier than Carver did). He has a vivid imagination; he especially likes creating family groups out of any object he can find (i.e. "this is the mommy, and that is the daddy, and this is the baby). He makes shapes out of magnetic blocks and declares them to be his "spaceship."

I've been a bit amazed at some of the conversations we have had. Carson is full of original thoughts-- he definitely doesn't simply repeat things he hears.

He is incredibly affectionate. He kisses and hugs all day long. He asks me repeatedly, if I "like him." He loves to be held or carried. When we are about to be separated he has a bit of anxiety-- he says things like, "but I'm going to miss you." He usually cries when I drop him off at school.

Lately he has been focused on "growing up." He pretends to grow up right before my eyes. He tells me that he is short (and I am big-- thanks for that). He's a bit fixated right now on growing and growing. He jumps to show me how "tall" he will be one day. And he holds his breath, and grunts, and strains upwards trying to grow. It is hilarious.

Carson LOVES snacks. He'll even try new things if he sees me eating them first. He is extremely addicted to sugar, specifically candy, so we are working on getting that bad habit under control.

He says really funny things. He'll make a suggestion and follow it with, "how 'bout that?" He asks a lot of questions. He likes to know people's names, and their "other names" (like my name is Mommy, my other name is Kristi). He refers to all adults as either boys or girls. So if he wants to ask a man a question he says, "hey boy..." Awkward. And he likes to label people based on the work they are performing. Anyone working with food is a "baker." Anyone doing any sort of cleaning is a "cleaner." If someone is performing a task he can't readily identify then he is a "worker."

He has a huge smile and an infectious laugh.

His favorite place to eat is a gas station. I know. He likes to pick out candy or snacks there. So, if I ever ask him where he wants to go for dinner (or lunch) he says, "the gas station!" Yeah.

He likes his baths to be lukewarm, bordering on cold. (He definitely did not get this from me).

He is extremely feisty. Often defiant. And stubborn.

These are my boys. And I am so in love.