Five Years Later

And just like that Delia has been gone for five years. I got the call from Daniel on this morning, five years ago, and it felt like my world just crumbled. Such grief. It seemed insurmountable at the time.

I think about her every single day. But the sharp, raw, edge of grief has given way to just a quiet longing to have her back.

She saved me in those early years of marriage and life in a new state, with no real friends and very little interaction with people. She was the best companion I could have hoped for. Now she has been gone almost as long as I had her, but the love is still intense and unchangeable. For that season of life she was my great comfort and joy. And I miss her so.

And then 19 months ago I lost Lea too-- and the grief continued. I've wondered about getting a new puppy. But when I picture the future with a new dog, in my head I am really just picturing having the girls back with me.

So, I handle the grief and most memories are really good. I have things I can't think about-- the dreaded phone call about Delia and those first days home after she died, and then the horrors around Lea's death-- but for the most part I can think about them without the rush of panic I felt when the grief was still raw.

But I miss these two.