Holding Tight

It's days like these...days that are so normal and seemingly not even noteworthy, that I will hold onto so tightly as the boys get older.

I'm nostalgic by nature. Change makes me sad. I struggle not to live in the past, and I am often a bit pessimistic and negative. I spend a lot of my time worried about things that will probably (hopefully) never happen. I often let the fear take hold. Or I start doomsday prepping in my bed at night. You know, thinking through what will happen to the boys when/if I die-- that sort of thing. Making plans, trying to work it all out in my head so that I can just sleep.

I'm lots of fun to be around. Clearly :)

But, oh, some days are just right. And good. And calm and soothing to my  soul.

It was a simple request. Carver wanted to pick flowers in the yard of the empty house at the front of our neighborhood. He asked almost every single day.

Then, one day, I said yes.

And the boys rode their scooters, with Winston and I close behind. And the boys picked flowers until their fists were full of them. Then they paused for pictures for me. And gave hugs to each other.

And we walked back home and put those weeds in vases of water. And they were so pleased.

I wish I was better. A better mom. Kinder. More gentle. More patient.

I make a lot of mistakes. But, this day? This day I said yes to a quiet walk to pick flowers. And it was a very good day.