Perfect Imperfection: Life is funny sometimes

I have loved Asheville for at least the last two decades. Moving to North Carolina after I graduated from UF was this huge leap into the unknown. Living with roommates, several states away from my family, finding random jobs, applying to a grad school there-- it was all so new and spontaneous. And I loved it. I loved everything about it.

Then Daniel and I got engaged and circumstances out of our control led us to need to move to northern Georgia, and I thought it was no big deal-- we were getting married! My life was just getting started! It was exciting!

Then we arrived in Georgia and reality set in and I was so incredibly miserable. I hated it there. I hated everything about it. Daniel worked 7 days a week, I had essentially no friends or contacts. We couldn't find a church home. I commuted a long distance to grad school. It was hard for me to embrace and feel comfortable at the camp because I am not great with new people or big change. I was sad and isolated and so very unhappy.

I prayed and prayed that we would be able to return to Asheville. In any capacity (just not to the camps), I just needed to go back. It was a sore ache in my heart and I was so focused on getting back to Asheville.

Four years after moving to GA, Carver was born. I was still isolated but not alone in the same way. Carver filled my time and eventually led me to join a local MOPS group and become more active in the church we finally found. I made friends in both places and eventually had play groups and such to fill our time. We found a family doctor we adored, a dentist that was also in our Sunday School class, a Sunday School teacher that we loved more than I can say...and I was happy. Finally I began to bloom where God had planted us. It took years, and special friends (some new, some old) to make me finally feel like I had a place in Georgia. That it really was my home.

Then last winter Daniel was approached about the possibility of returning to Asheville. It seemed so unlikely that I didn't spend much time thinking about it. Then things progressed and it seemed like it might happen and I was terrified. And angry. Why then? Why after I had finally found my place in Georgia? I had finally built a life there and now I potentially had to start over. Asheville is the city I would choose to live in above any other in the entire world... but it wasn't where my heart was anymore.

But Daniel needed the move and things were set into motion so quickly. Letting camp people, and church friends, and best friends, know that we were moving was just miserable. Daniel had asked our Sunday School teacher to be a reference for him in the whole interviewing process. When Daniel told her that he had accepted the new job she said that as she was being questioned by Daniel's new employer that she had the overwhelming feeling that it had all already been decided. We were being called back to Asheville. The interview and such was just a formality.

And I found the peace I needed. Because we had asked her to pray for us regarding this decision and I know that she would have prayed diligently.

And so in August we moved. And settled into a tiny townhouse that is much too small for us. The boys started at a new school, Daniel started his new (and quite different) job. I've been learning to be a full-time mom of a school age kid-- driving carver to and from school, five days a week. Juggling the boy's school schedule with my newly full-time work schedule (more on that in separate post), learning to live in extremely cramped conditions while most of our belongings are in storage, house-hunting, budgeting, taking care of Winston (who can no longer accompany Daniel to work every day), adjusting to having Daniel around a bit more (but being a lot less available during his workdays), and falling in love with these mountains all over again.

My heart still hurts when I think of where I was last year. I miss our home. I miss our yard. I miss our church and Sunday School teacher and friends. I miss Jazzercise. I miss Rebecca. I miss Strong Rock. I miss our local parks, Helen, and Unicoi. I miss Carver's school. I miss my friends. I miss my Monday night Bible Study class. I miss the Dillard House.

But, I do love Asheville. I love having so many things so nearby. I love the mountains. I love the restaurants and the shopping. I love the boy's new school. I love being reconnected with my old roommate. I love coffee shops. I love taking the dogs for hikes. I love finding new things to do here with the boys. I love driving through neighborhoods and the excitement of hopefully soon finding a house that meets our needs. I love being near Crestridge. I love that we have come full-circle and that we are back where we started.

Carver has only recently started really talking about missing his "old friends" or "old school" or "old house." It makes me sad. Very sad. But he is just as quick to say that he loves Asheville and his "new school, teachers, and friends." Luckily, kids are resilient.

I don't know quite how I feel about this whole decision to move. I think time will tell. For now, it is bittersweet.