For my Mama

I think that becoming a mother myself this year has made me appreciate my own mother more than ever. I have been blessed by incredible parents, as I've said over and over on this blog. Both of my parents have been a constant in my life, a safe harbor. I can't even truly put into words the security I have felt over the years, in both tangible and intangible ways, because of how present they have always been in my life.

As the years pass my mom and I get closer and closer. It's true that at some point once you reach adulthood you just simply realize one day that you and your mom are friends. I talk to my mom every day (or just about). She is the first person I call with news, big or small. She is the first person I call when I have a question, or need to vent, or am just simply bored and want to talk. And, she always has time, no matter how long, to just talk about everything and nothing. I appreciate that.

Over the years we would make fun of my mother for various things (usually playfully). As an adult I realize that I do (or would do) 90% of the things we used to tease her about. Like getting up several times during the night to check on us (gasp! I do this too. A lot). Or, worrying excessively about small things--if it involved one of her kids... Or, being fiercely protective of each of us. She wasn't crazy, she was just a mom-- and a good one at that. (I also love that Carver is probably safer when left in her care than he is with me. It's nice to know that).

I trust my mom implicitly. I know that she always, without fail, has our best interest at heart. Do we always get along? No. Do we always agree? Heck no. But, I have never, not for one moment, had reason to doubt that my mom loved me. That she would do anything in her power for us.

That is what I hope for Carver. That he will never, not even for the most fleeting of moments, ever doubt how much I love him. That he will always feel safe, secure, and whole because he is much loved by me. That I will give him reason to respect me and my opinion. That he will grow up to be proud that I am his mother.

Just like I am proud of my mom. I wouldn't be the person I am today without the role she has played in my life. She loved me so well that she gave me the confidence to do anything I wanted to do. The world was never a scary place because I had parents to catch me if I fell. So this Mother's Day I am celebrating my mom. May she always know how much I love her and how thankful I am that because of her example I think I will do okay by Carver :)

Mama, I am richly blessed because of you.