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| Heading in to the hospital.. |
I think it took Carson's birth experience to really reveal to me how very, very hard Carver's birth was. This time there was no preeclampsia, no traumatic water breaking, no visit from paramedics, no magnesium, no insane bleeding, no lingering illness after the birth-- it was all so much easier this time around. Not that recovery has been super easy-- but it doesn't even compare to the first time around.
C-sections are unpleasant. They just are. Surgery is intimidating. I panic every time I get into the operating room and have to have extra medications, I get so overwhelmed feeling every pull, and tug as they work to pull the babies out. It feels almost traumatic. Not painful-- just an alien feeling. It's bizarre and hard to explain.
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| He was super mad about his bath :) |
What the two births did have in common, of course, was the completely overwhelming emotion of welcoming my new son into the world. Finally seeing his face after all these months of carrying him, praying for him, worrying about him, and anticipating his arrival. There is no feeling in the world quite like it. Their two births-- as unpleasant as they physically were-- are the two most defining moments of my life.
Carson's birth was fairly quick. I was actually have semi-regular contractions when I arrived at the hospital. Having a scheduled c-section is pretty nice-- bags are packed, house was cleaned and organized, hair was washed, legs shaved, etc. It's nice to be prepared. My c-section was scheduled for noon, so we didn't even have to particularly rush to get to the hospital in the morning. Nice.
The weekend in the hospital was a special time. Since I did not have preeclampsia I was able to enjoy those first hours and days so much more than before. The way I felt, physically, was overall pretty decent so the two days at the hospital were much more memorable. I loved having Daniel there for the two full days. Time for us to bond over this precious boy. My mom was also able to be at the hospital-- which was nice. Sometimes, no matter how old you get, you just need your mom.
On Saturday, I had an incredible surprise visitor-- Brooke stopped by to see me and Carson. What a blessing this was! I so loved seeing my best friend there, loving on Carson, taking the time to make a special trip to share in this moment with me. And she gave me such sweet, handmade, gifts for the baby. I am so thankful for her, and for the lifelong friendship we have been able to share.
Of course, one of the best moments of the weekend was seeing Carver meet Carson. He came in the hospital room with Daniel and we had a moment of just our family, introducing the two boys. Carver immediately said "hi," waved at Carson, and then proceeded to quickly lose interest and just want to explore the hospital room. Overall a successful first encounter I would say :)
We are really thankful to my mom and Daniel's parents who took turns taking care of Carver so that we had no worries about him and were able to focus on Carson.
When we brought Carson home on Sunday Carver seemed pretty excited. He "helped" Daniel carry Carson into the house. He likes to pull his caps off and pet Carson's head. He brings him blankets and tries to rock him if he is in his carseat. Carver sits right next to me when I am feeding Carson or just holding him, sometimes trying to sit in my lap also, but never seeming frustrated with Carson or jealous of him. It has been an extremely easy transition for him so far-- smoother than I could have ever imagined. I think he is going to be an incredible big brother.
I am so thankful for my boys. So blessed beyond measure that I am their mom.
I'm pretty sure I didn't truly understand love until they arrived. My heart feels like it will burst. I know our lives have just become that much harder, that much more stressful, and that much more exhausting. But it is worth it. It is so worth it.
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