On your second birthday....

Dear Carver,

Tomorrow is the big day-- the day you turn 2. I've got to admit-- I'm not as sad as I thought I would be. I feel a little tug of pain that you are getting older, that every day your babyhood is passing and soon it will be gone altogether. But the much stronger emotion is this overwhelming feeling of anticipation of what is to come. I can't wait. I really can't.

Each day you learn something new. You change, and grow, and challenge me, and bless my heart in incredible ways. You are increasingly making your opinion known (loud and clear!), and evolving from my baby boy into this sweet and crazy toddler with a pretty fiery temper.

Some days you drive me crazy. Really. But I wouldn't change anything about you--not a single thing. Because I know that your occasional stubbornness and defiance means that you won't let people walk all over you in life. That you will not be easily swayed or influenced by others. Your friendliness and affection tells me that you will be a people person-- and your indifference to discipline and reprimands let me know that you will not be ruled by pleasing others. So when we struggle a little now-- I know that there is a greater purpose for it all. You are being molded into the boy that God intends for you to be. And, I get to witness all of this change and growth every single day.

And there is nothing I would rather be doing with my days.

I am still making more mistakes than I would like. And sometimes I handle situations...and you...in ways that I am not particularly proud of. I'm working on it. And, I'm working really hard. Because, while I'll never be perfect, I want to be the best I can be for you. I want to be what you need me to be-- whatever that is. I have a lot to learn, but we're getting there.

Since your last birthday we have had a number of "lasts." These make me particularly sad. It makes me anticipate the "last" time we will do any number of things...

Like the last time you will let me pick you up.

And the last time you prefer me over anyone else.

The last time you smile at me from behind your pacifier.

And the last time you enthusiastically tell me "hi" every time I walk in the room.

The last time we spend all day, every day together.


These things make me dread you growing up. So, I focus on all of the things I can't wait for...

Like the first time you tell me you love me.

And the first time you play baseball.

The first time you come home with stories from school and friends.

And the first time you say something that just completely blows my mind.

Carver, in just a few short hours you will be 2 years old. It has gone by so quickly. In a flash I'll be saying "tomorrow you'll be turning 20...or 30...0r 40..." But, I want you to know that no matter how old you get you'll always be my baby boy. You'll always matter more to me than you could ever imagine. You will always be loved unconditionally, prayed over constantly, and unfortunately, worried over consistently. It's just what moms do.

I am so proud to be your mom. So very proud.

These have been the best 2 years of my life. The very best.

Love,
Mama