Dear Carver,
Tomorrow you turn fourteen! Fourteen feels like you are a legit teenager, and I can't believe it. I've always felt like I did my "best work" as a toddler mom. I like crafts and outings and themed days and all things like that. Parenting you now is so different. And I hope I still have a bit of good parenting skills left to give during these teenage years.
Being a teenager is a big deal! So much will happen in these next few years. You'll grow and change and shift from child to almost adult and I can't wait to see and experience all that is coming in this next life phase for you.
There has already been a shift, of course, that has been happening the last couple of years. You have a social life with school friends that rarely involves parental involvement anymore. Your sense of humor is clever and also a little mean sometimes-- and that screams teenager to me too. You undertake school work 100% on your own now. I sign what you ask me to sign and that's almost the only involvement I get in your school career anymore. And I am so proud of how well you are doing in eighth grade!
You like your own company best. In your room or playing video games in the sunroom (with the door closed) is your favorite way to spend a day. You are rarely keen on leaving the house and you are an introvert through and through. We are a lot alike, you and me.
You aren't a fan of me "tucking you in" at night anymore. Your mostly tolerate it but it's clear that you want me out. And it stings some, these changes that have come. But I also know it is part of growing up. A part of testing boundaries and pushing for independence. And that makes it....tolerable. But I miss the nightly bedtime routines of your childhood.
There are so many things I am looking forward to in your teenage years. The deeper conversations with come from more maturity. I want to talk to you about how to treat girls, and how important school is (especially studying history!), and how clothes and hygiene and such is a way to present yourself well to the world. I want you to see how we value our church family and fellowship with other believers. That being involved in church is a privilege and joy, and not a burden. I want you to see that treating other people well, with respect and kindness, is one of the greatest signs of character there is.
But do you know what I want to show you MOST?
That your dad and I are always here for you. Do something really stupid? Tell us and we'll figure it out together. Need advice? Ask us. Worried? Scared? Anxious? Let me talk it through with you. Things are almost always bigger in our heads than they are in real life. And there is nothing you could do to make us not love you. There is nothing you could do that will cause us to abandon you to figure it out on your own. We are your safe place. It doesn't mean there won't be consequence-- poor choices often lead to natural consequences anyway. But we will always, ALWAYS, help you navigate the path, fix the mistake, talk through the problem and help you find a solution.
You will make A LOT of mistakes in the coming years. That is just part of growing up. But we are here to guide and correct and love you through all these teenage years. You'll get mad at us some, maybe a lot. You'll think we are ridiculous and completely wrong about some things. You'll pull away and choose friends (or girlfriends) over us for a bit. And all of that is okay. We'll still be here, where we always are, watching out for you and loving you.
I am so proud of you, Carver. You are smart and funny and still so incredibly sweet sometimes. You still hug me and tell me you love me every day. You also gesture for me to get out when I come into a room when you are playing video games with your friends, and you get super irritated when I ask you to do something or remind you of something. It's balance I guess.
But I love who you are. You are a joy and being your mom is the greatest privilege of my life.
Happy 14th birthday!
You are loved to the moon and back.
Love,
Mama
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