Dear Carver,
Tomorrow you turn 12! It feels like a big birthday; this last one before you are officially a teenager. I haven't been dreading it like I have some years. It has been both beautiful and devastating to watch you transform from a baby to a toddler to a big kid and then a preteen. There were so many things to love about each of those ages and phases, that moving past them caused some heartache. It still does, in some ways, I think it always will.
But this year feels a little different. A little less sad, and I've been trying to think about why that is. It has taken me weeks of thinking about it, but I think I have (almost) figured it out.
Over this last year, your 11th year, you have changed so much. The first steps of the big shift have seemed to begin; where you move from a true kid, to an almost teen. You are funny. Not in a cutesy sort of way like toddlers and young kids, where you say things that are so cute they are funny. But rather that you are starting to develop true wit. You get sarcasm and you understand a good come-back. You have a dry sense of humor that is genuinely funny. And it is because you are so smart that you can really have this very interesting sense of humor.
You are also a deep thinker. You listen carefully when we are reading, or watching a movie, or hearing a conversation that you aren't even a part of-- and then you ask questions or raise a point or make a contribution that is completely relevant and useful. This has been a really fun character trait to watch develop. I love talking to you. I like hearing what you have to say about a million different topics. I don't love the detailed stories about minecraft....but I am trying to be a better listener, even to those stories. I hope you always love talking to me, just like you do right now. I'll miss it when the day comes that you stop asking me every single night if I will lay down with you to chat. I'll miss it so very much.
We share a deep love of animals--- even more so than we love people. (And we both need to work on that). You are interested in animals-- learning about them; but you also just care about them. You care about their well-being. You feel compassion and sadness when you watch a sad animal video. You just love them, all of them, but especially our pets. And animals respond to you and love you right back. This reminds me of Granddaddy-- he loves animals and they always seem to love him too. Maybe you got that from him.
I love how much you love family. You love both sets of grandparents, all the cousins (Big and Little), your aunts and uncles, and me and Daddy and Carson (yes, even Carson). You love visits and truly the happiest I ever see you is when all of the cousins and extended family are together. Family is so important-- don't ever lose this love of family. Life is messy and busy and just gets crazier the older you get. But family is the heart of your life-- it gives you a safe place to fall, keeps you grounded, and feeds your soul. Hold on tight to all of your family.
You are an introvert, but you do well around your group too. You are kind and friendly and polite to others (most of the time). You have never developed a love of reading like I had hoped, and you are a more picky eater now that you were 5 years ago....but you love me unconditionally, despite my many failings. You love God and His people, especially those that you see struggling or hurting. You are more than I dared to hope for and I am so so lucky to have you.
Carver, the word I am praying for you this year is self-image. As in, praying that the way you view yourself becomes positive-- the way you look, your intelligence, your abilities, and so on. I want you to grow into who you are and see yourself the way we all see you.You are smart, funny, capable, kind, generous, and inquisitive. You are a gift to this world! God made you just the way you are and you should be proud of who you are. This is what I pray for you this year.
Big things are coming for you this year. I can just feel it. I can't wait to see what it is.
Carver you are so loved. More than you will ever be able to comprehend. Happy Birthday!
I love you to the moon and back, a million times over.
Love,
Mama
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