This.

House destroyed. Carver reading to Carson. Both in pjs, Carver in his angry bird costume.

This. Just this. There is something about this picture that speaks directly to my heart. I feel joy when I see it. And I feel scared. And tired. And confident. And insecure. And content. And hopeful. And proud. And stressed.

So many emotions wrapped up in this one snapshot of a moment in my day. And not even a particularly unique moment.

It shows exactly where I am right now.

This. This is my life. And where I am now is so far from where I thought I would be. I had no idea that these two little precious boys would come and change everything that I thought I knew about myself and about life.

They make everything so worth it. I hope they know how much they are loved. And I hope they know that I am trying my hardest to do this parenting thing right.

I love the rhythm and routine of our days. I love the small moments. Laying out clothes, playing in the bath tub, reading books and singing songs before bed. Every single day Carver hugs and kisses me more times than I can count. Carson comes to me with his chubby arms stretched up asking me to hold him. They destroy the house faster than I can clean it up. They fight with each other and cry when they don't get their way. They drive me completely and utterly crazy. I can't imagine my life any other way.

I think my biggest fear, and as a result, my biggest prayer right now (after safety for the boys), is that I will live long enough to raise them. Someone else could probably do just as a good a job as me, with a lot less mistakes and a lot more patience but...

they are mine, and I am theirs. And I am so incredibly thankful for them.