Six Months

Today Delia has been gone for six months. That seems so impossible to me. The last months have passed quickly, yet it feels like so long since I held her last. She is still such a part of my day-to-day. In my thoughts at least.

The horror of her death has faded. Though I still can vividly hear Daniel telling me  that "Delia passed away last night," and distinctly remember the complete loss I felt as my world spun out of control. Getting a phone call like that is such a nightmare.

Part of me still cannot wrap my head around the fact that she is really gone. Gone gone gone. Never coming back. Ever. Clearly, I know she is...but it just seems so impossible. Unfathomable.

I saw a quote awhile ago, that said, "If love alone could have kept you alive, then you would have lived forever." I love that.. I had more than enough love for her to keep her alive forever. But, sometimes love isn't enough.

I have to skirt around the edge of depression, and dwelling on losing her. I can't fall over the edge, but it is so hard sometimes. She is just so greatly missed because she was so greatly loved. So, I focus on talking about her like it is no big deal, even if it is. And, I think about her funny personality quirks and how incredibly unique she was. But, most of all I think about how much she loved me. Because, that is the biggest loss, you know?

Who else, besides a beloved dog, would love without condition or reservation? Without expectation?

She loved me very well. I hope I did the same for her.