Dear Carver,
In just a few short hours you will be
6. There is a saying that the days are long, but the years are short. And there is so much truth in that. Some days I am so exhausted and weary and I pray for bedtime to come so that we can just go to sleep and then start fresh the next day. Days when I feel like I have done nothing but fail you and your brother over and over again. Sometimes those hard days feel like the hours just creep by. And then I wake up one day and realize that you are (almost) six years old and I can't believe that you aren't a baby anymore. These years have passed quickly.
You have such an interesting personality. So much sweetness in you, but then a mix of stubbornness with a touch of defiance is there too. You like to push boundaries and you probably get away with a bit more than you should. You've proven to be a bit difficult to parent sometimes-- which I am pretty sure Grandmama and Granddaddy would have said the same thing about me when I was your age. We are a lot alike, the two of us.
You are exceptionally smart at certain things. You love to build things out of legos or boxes or blocks, and you are so good at it. You are extremely creative; you make drawings and paintings, and you make elaborate 3-dimensional things. You love to make pictures and cards for anyone that is ever in our home.
You are also very good at various games-- technology is something that you totally understand. (You did not get that from me, that's from your daddy). You can work the TV, the iPad, or my phone with complete ease.
You are so affectionate. You tell me that you love me about a dozen times a day. You hug and kiss and still ask to be held. You like to climb in bed with me in the morning to snuggle and you prefer to sleep all wrapped up together, as close as possible. You get really excited when we get to do things just the two of us-- and I love it too.
Carson thinks you are
so cool. (He actually said so!). He repeats things you say-- which you find annoying, but I find so endearing. He wants so badly to be with you and he gets so excited when you take the time to really play with him. Occasionally you are so affectionate and sweet with each other, holding hands and hugging-- then other times you just don't have patience for your little brother. Which makes my heart hurt, but I know it is just part of life as brothers. But Carson loves you so much.
Recently, when I was thinking of the word I wanted to pray over you this upcoming year, I kept settling on
self-control. This is a hard one, and it is one that you are definitely struggling with. All kids struggle to learn self-control, but now you are SIX and that means that you are going to have to learn the tough lessons that go along with self-control. Two and three year olds can cry and scream and throw themselves on the ground when they are tired and frustrated or sad-- but a six year old just can't. And this is a hard quality to learn. And, to me, mastering self-control is one of the qualities that sets apart a child from a baby.
Now, you will probably struggle with this at various times throughout your life. I know I still do. Life is hard and messy and overwhelming sometimes. And there will be days when you do just want to fall apart-- cry because you are frustrated, yell because you are mad, or just give in to any emotion or action. To be able to navigate through the hardships of life you have to learn to control yourself-- this will guide you in the words you use, the actions you take, the decisions you make, and the character and integrity with which you carry yourself in this life.
I love that you are growing and learning so much. That we can talk about friends and church and school and life and have legitimate conversations. I also love that you are still very much my baby. Not a baby, but
my baby. You are still young enough to be completely honest and entirely un-self conscious. You still like me, a lot. You love life-- and you are incredibly easy to please. You love to play outside and you love toys and games. You like to go places and you also like to stay home all day. You are learning to read and doing well in school. You are
thriving and I could not be more proud of you.
I have some things I am going to work on this year too. Just like I want you to work on self-control, I want to work on being more patient with you, and less easily frustrated. I want to do a better job of holding my tongue and showing kindness and love when I speak to you-- even if you are in trouble or I am angry. You deserve so much more than my exasperation and harsh words. You are worth so much more than that. This year, I am going to work really hard on my own self-control, so that you are not defining yourself by my own shortcomings. You see me, the good and the bad, and sometimes I think you might know me better than anyone else in the whole world.
Carver, you are a joy and a pleasure and a challenge and gift. I am so thankful that God chose me to be your mom. I am blessed beyond measure to have this life that we do-- where we get to do our days together. Your daddy and I are so proud of you, we love you to the moon and back, a thousand times over.
I love you more than anything in the whole wide world.
Happy Birthday!
Love, Mama
