Big Brother, Baby Brother

Dear Carver,

In just a few short days your daddy and I are going to introduce you to someone very special-- your new baby brother. We have been trying to tell you all about him (at least what we know so far), and trying to prepare you for all of the changes to come...but we are pretty sure you have no idea what we are talking about. And, that's ok...because we are all going to be in for some pretty big changes and we'll just have to figure it out together.

Here are some things you should always know. First, we will always love you. No one in the world (baby brother included), could ever be more cherished, more loved, more worried for, and more prayed over than you. No one.

Second, mommies and daddies have very unique hearts. They can get enormously big. Really, they can! So when baby Carson arrives he will have plenty of room in our hearts-- but he won't take up any of the space that is devoted just to you.

Third, your baby brother is a gift from God. A gift for us and for you. He will be a fun playmate, an annoying pest, and your biggest fan. You will have grand adventures, and you will have enormous fights. And that's ok.

What I hope for you and Carson is that you will be fiercely loyal to each other. You will love each other, protect each other, defend each other, and keep each others secrets-- even from your daddy and me. I hope that, at some point in your lives, you become best friends. That you realize that even though you may not always like Carson, you always need him. And he will always need you. There is no relationship on earth that is as unique and special as the one you will have with your brother. I know this because I have a brother and a sister-- and they are two of my favorite people on earth.

Carver, these last 2 1/2 years with you have been remarkable in so many ways. I wouldn't change a thing about them. You taught me a depth of love that I didn't even know existed. You have taught me, and are still teaching me, how to be a mom. How to be patient and to love without condition or reservation. I have loved spending every day with you--most days just the two of us. And, I admit, I'm a little sad that those days of "just us" are coming to an end. But even more I am SO very excited to meet your baby brother, and so excited for you to meet him. I can't wait.  Your daddy and I are so very proud of the little boy you are.

You are going to be the best big brother. Carson is already such a lucky little boy-- he has you.

I love you Carver. More than you will ever know.

Love,
Mama

Bathtub Painting

We haven't been attempting too many crafts or projects lately. I'm tired.

Last week, however, we did do a little painting in the bath tub. Super easy to set  up and clean up and Carver LOVED it.

What you need:

Corn starch
Baby Shampoo
Food Coloring
Ice cube trays (or any small containers for the paint)
Paintbrushes

Mix together a small amount of shampoo (about 1 Tablespoon), cornstarch (about 1 Teaspoon or less), and several drops of food coloring.

Then I let Carver paint in the bigger garden tub in our bathroom. I stripped him down to his diaper (so the photos would be appropriate-- please excuse the clearly very wet, saggy diaper), and he painted and painted.

I moved all of my stuff away from the edges of the tub before letting him in and cleaning it up was incredibly quick, I just used a wet washcloth and wiped it off. No scrubbing at all.

I found the idea here. If you have small kids, you should try it!

Moving Up

Several weeks ago Carver finally learned how to escape from his crib. Truthfully, I was a little surprised that it took  him so long to climb out on his own. I had hoped he would stay in his crib for awhile longer, but as soon as he climbed out the first time, there was no going back. Plus, he was super pleased with himself for this accomplishment and that was cute to see.

The first time  he did it he wandered into my room early one morning, and woke me up with a very enthusiastic "Hi!" and a wave. I was stunned. A really surprising start to our day.

For the most part, nap time and bed time were still easy for us. Carver would climb out 1-2 times some days but then when we put him back in his crib he would usually stay put. We did find him asleep on the floor a couple of times when he climbed out without me realizing it and then just fell asleep out of his crib.

As soon as we moved to our new home a couple of weeks ago we went ahead and transitioned Carver  to his twin bed. It was an unbelievably smooth transition. He took his first nap in his bed with no issue at all. And very rarely does he get out of bed after I put him there. I think it helps that we have a long bed railing on one side and the wall on the other side of his bed, so there is still a certain "crib-like" feel to his new bed. Many mornings he is still in bed (awake) when I drag myself upstairs to get him.

He has only fallen out of his bed once so far. At about 3:00 a.m. I heard the crash over the monitor and went flying up the stairs to his room at quite an impressive speed for a full-term pregnant person. He was sitting on the floor crying-- more from shock than injury I think. He calmed down immediately but it did take him a really, really, long time to get back to sleep.

Otherwise, we have had such an easy time of moving  him out of his crib to a twin bed. One milestone to check off the list.

As a side note, Carver has started waking up really early. Sometimes, 6:30, sometimes 6:00, sometimes 5:45.... Which leads to me being super grumpy, our days being incredibly long, and Carver falling asleep in his car seat when we run errands-- something he hasn't done in at least 6 months or so...

(The above picture of Carver wearing jeans AND a jacket was taken at the end of April...We've had really bizarre weather lately).

And, just look at this sweet girl. She's been joining us for bedtime stuff lately...

Four Months

Quite possibly the longest four months of my life. I feel like Delia has been gone much longer. But, I can also remember every single detail about her so vividly that it seems like she should still walk into the room and jump up next to me on the couch. Or, greet me at the door when I get home. Losing her doesn't feel any "easier" than it did in January. I still think about her, at least a dozen times a day, every single day. I still lay in bed at night or in the early morning hours and just wish that this had been different. That things had ended differently. I wish I knew what happened to her, and why she was taken away during a time in which I had been struggling so much anyway.

I changed when Delia came into my life. And, I changed again when she left.

This Spring has been so much more than expected. And I wasn't prepared.

Our newest life change is that we have recently moved. We are currently settling in to our new home in Cleveland, closer to camp in hopes that Daniel can see the boy(s) a little more regularly and feel a little less overwhelmed with his work life. The move has been bittersweet.

It has been nice to have a change of scenery. To start fresh, get organized, have a little more space. It has been fun picking paint colors and working to make the house our own. Getting bedrooms set up for each of the boys has been really fun also. Living in space that I don't associate with Delia has also had some benefits, I think.

But, there are some sad moments too.

Moving from a home after living there for over six years is hard. It was the longest I had ever lived in one space since leaving Bartow (almost) 14 years ago. It is also the only home Daniel and I had ever shared, the only home Delia ever had with us, and it was Carver's first home.  There are a lot of memories there. Change can be fun, but I also like familiarity. I was ready for more space, and I needed a change, but it doesn't remove all of the emotion from leaving that home.

I wonder if I will find healing here. No longer sleeping mere feet from where Delia actually died. I wonder if that will help. I also worry that it won't help, that I will just feel more distance from her, more estranged. I don't know. Every inch of that house contained a memory. So many with Delia. I guess time will tell whether this change helps or hurts.

Four whole months and I still so desperately miss her.

Painting!

Carver and I finally found time to do another project this week. Things have been so crazy lately that I just haven't been able to fit one into our days. This was an easy painting project but he loved it.

First, I poured the paint out onto separate small plates.

Then I got Carver's painting area set up. I taped wax paper to the table to keep the mess to a minimum. then I put out his art paper and the painting utensils.

This was fun. We were "painting" with random things I found around the house. The options are huge, but we used: a toothbrush (now donated to the craft supply drawer), a small toy truck, a plastic figurine, and make-up sponges.

This activity required very little "help" from me. As soon as he sat down he started painting. All I had to do was not panic when paint went everywhere, including all over him...

Clean up was surprisingly quick and easy. Washable paint is fabulous.

After a quick trip to the bathtub and then a change of clothes we were ready to move on to the rest of our day :)

** Check out this blog to see where I got the idea, and for a lot more fun toddler activities.

Chosen Profession

When I was in undergrad at the University of Florida I could not decide what my major should be. I started with journalism, switched to marketing, and finally landed on history. I liked history, but originally it was just a means to an end. I had to have a major to graduate and I wanted to graduate. So a declared history major I became.

I had several history professors at UF that I liked. One in particular changed the entire view I had of my future professional goals. In my very last semester in school I registered for a "History of Florida" class. I huge stretch for me as I was a European history major. That class changed my life. Seriously.

Dr. Michael Gannon was teaching this History of Florida class for the very last time. I can't believe my good fortune at being able to take this class before he officially retired from teaching. He is, without doubt, the very best lecturer I have ever had in my academic career. He is a large man, tall, heavy and walked with a cane. He was in his 70s when I took his class. He lectured every class meeting, with no notes, and the class was captivated. No one was disruptive, no one was disrespectful. Something about the man just commanded respect. He was so unbelievably knowledgeable. He had been so many places, seen so many things, met so many people-- and he so vividly remembered it all that he could paint a picture with his words and we were all immediately transported to the time or place he was describing. To say he was fascinating is much too weak of a word. He is a published writer, an ordained Catholic priest, and an icon on the UF campus.

In short, he inspired me to teach at the college level.

Now, I had no illusions that I could ever, in my wildest dreams, be like him. But, I wanted to be that passionate, that devoted, that inspiring. I wanted to show students how utterly fascinating the study of history could be. I wanted to show students why studying the past is so very relevant even now.

So, I went to graduate school and I studied and learned and grew and finally graduated and entered the academic world as an instructor.

And was immediately met with the reality of being a college professor.

I am so tired of this profession. I am so tired of being blamed for the shortcomings of my students. For every smart, attentive, polite student there are 20 that are arrogant, entitled, and disrespectful.

Most students today believe that if they fail to do well in a class that it is somehow the fault of the instructor. They believe that the purpose of the institution of college is to ensure that they earn a degree-- whether they work for it or not. Students today do not understand that it is performance that determines success in college. They fail to follow instructions, expect concessions to be made for them if they misunderstand something or fail to meet a deadline. They want to do as little work as possible and expect a great reward. They expect us, as instructors, to be exceedingly patient, kind, helpful, and understanding. Yet, they are often rude, abusive, lazy, and unprepared. College is no longer about learning from the knowledge of our instructors, it is about student's feeling entitled to always receive high grades, regardless of the quality of work. Teaching (probably at any level) involves being constantly criticized and often attacked.

I am consistently amazed by the attitude of my students. I have tried, over the last 4 years, to learn to be very organized, very consistent, very clear with instructions. I offer exam study guides, I take essay rough drafts, I give extra credit assignments. But, it is never enough, and never will be enough to please these students. They expect more-- easier work, longer deadlines, less requirements.

I am so frustrated by this attitude.

This is college. It is supposed to be challenging. I am not going to do the work for them. I am not going to hold their hand while they do the work. I am not going to dumb down the class so that it requires nothing from them.

Students have to be held to a higher standard. They must understand that it is not my fault if you fail to succeed in my class. College will require actual work-- and effort is not enough. This is college-- performance matters. Blaming me for your inadequacies and failures will not aid you in your academic career or life in general.

Though a change in careers is incredibly appealing, I'll probably keep doing this. Because occasionally there is a student, an incredible student, that works very hard. That appreciates the role that we, as instructors, play in their college career. They are polite, kind, respectful, hard-working, and take ownership over their class performance. These students (almost) make all of this headache worth it.

Almost.

Easter Week-- Part II

On Saturday we continued our week of Easter celebrations.

First, we dyed some eggs. It wasn't a huge success. Carver cracked a couple of eggs by throwing them into the cups of dye. It was messy, stained his hands, and not super exciting to him. I'm glad we have now started the tradition of dyeing Easter eggs. . . but he does much better with activities where he can get messy (without staining skin and clothes) and when he can be a little more involved.

I also used Kool-Aid as the egg dye, an idea from Pinterest. It left the eggs looking a little odd.


For lunch, I put Carver's food in the eggs again. He really loves opening each one to see what is inside. This is a really easy, fun, activity.


That night we made Resurrection Rolls. It was fun to explain the story of Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection through the steps of making the rolls. Carver had no idea what I was talking about, but again, the start of a good tradition. And, the rolls are good!


On Sunday, Carver got his Easter basket as soon as he woke up. I think it was a success-- mostly books (including a potty book and a Big Brother book), a fun matching game for toddlers, his Cabbage Patch Doll, sidewalk chalk, and bubbles.



Then we got ready for church. I just love dressing this boy up :)

After church we ate lunch at The Copper Pot. We sat outside and the weather was gorgeous and Carver was great-- perfect.


After Carver's nap he did an egg hunt to find his afternoon snack (cheese crackers and vanilla goldfish with a couple of marshmallows thrown in there).




Then, after dinner we did an outside Easter egg hunt for Carver. He is definitely a collector (rocks, flowers, etc) so hunting and collecting eggs is a perfect activity for him.


We had such a good family weekend. Planning and executing special activities and surprises for Carver is one of my favorite things. Worshiping with our church family and celebrating Christ's resurrection was such a blessing. Getting to share the meaning of Easter with Carver made the holy day that much more special for me.

It was a great week of Easter fun. Now it's time to start making Earth Day plans :)

Sidenote: Carver's BFF, Whitney, had a birthday on Sunday! Happy, happy birthday to one of our very favorite little girls. We love you!