Christmas at Camp

For Christmas this year, my entire family celebrated at Strong Rock Camp. With my family growing by the year, it is difficult to find a place big enough to hold all of us-- camp was the perfect solution. I love it when the whole family can be together for a holiday--it doesn't happen as often as I would like. It is busy, and crazy, and a little chaotic, but I love it.

Daddy and Kingston

Carver did not want Uncle Michael to take a nap...

Wearing Uncle Michael's boots.

On Saturday night (Christmas Eve) we had an "appetizer" dinner with way too much food but it was oh.so.good. My favorite type of meal.

He enjoyed sitting on the pile o' presents

Christmas morning is so much fun with all of these kids running around. We opened a mountain of gifts, ate breakfasts casseroles, opened stockings and then settled in for our "traditional" Christmas lunch.

Grandmama and Granddaddy with all the grandkids.

On Monday we went to the North Georgia Petting Farm and Zoo and the kids loved it.

Monday night we celebrated Carver's birthday (again!) with my side of the family. See upcoming separate blog post for details.
On Tuesday Mom and Dad put together a Christmas "bow hunt" which was an enormous success with all of the kids.

Then we had another unfortunately incident of nursemaid's elbow and headed to the doctor to have it reduced. (Luckily this time did not involve on ER visit). This second experience with nursemaid's elbow seemed much less extreme and painful. Thankful fo

r that but really hoping that this does not continue.

Tuesday night we said good-bye to Lyle's family.

Delia was unusually fond of Lyle...

On Wednesday Mom, Carver, and I went back to my house for a bit while the others did a little skeet shooting at camp. I think handguns were involved too...

Dinner at Mellow Mushroom

Thursday and Friday were our last days at camp. We cleaned up, packed, did a little shopping at the Dawsonville outlets, and had a huge lunch fiasco at a restaurant in Dahlonega. (Don't eat here).

Daddy left on Friday to head home, and Courtney and her family left Saturday. Sad to see everyone go, but so thankful that everyone came and we were able to celebrate Christmas together.

Catching Up: 24 Months

As noted several times, as of December 21st (at 7:26 p.m.) Carver is officially 2 years old. The last 24 months have been a crazy, chaotic, overwhelming, incredible ride. We've had highs and lows, huge successes, and a few failures.

Welcome to the final "monthly" blog update regarding Carver's specific growth and development. I don't know how I'll cover these things in the months and years coming up, but there will be plenty of pictures, stories and information forthcoming, so no worries.

Carver as a two year old is a little...crazy. He is incredibly active, he runs laps around the house and climbs on every thing. He tears through the house like a hurricane every single day, leaving a wake of destruction in his path. He is unbelievably affectionate, he laughs constantly, and loves to do silly things to get a reaction. He also throws impressive tantrums when he doesn't get his way, can be easily frustrated, and plays very rough. We are always reminding him to be gentle, with us or the dogs, etc. He's never aggressive just enthusiastic.

He "talks" all day long, non stop. He talks to me, his daddy, his toys, the dogs, and to nothing at all. He has a lot to say and is getting so close to actually using words we can understand. (Of course, he already has a fairly good sized vocabulary, but no sentences or conversations yet). I think that some of his frustration lately comes from trying to verbally communicate but struggling a little. Once he is fully verbal I think he will be a lot more patient and, hopefully, less inclined to meltdowns.

The pacifier is still present. Planning to work on saying goodbye to it, but really dreading it so we are procrastinating.

Routines: Carver is still going to bed around 8:00 p.m and waking up around 7:30 or so. He takes a nap around 1:00 and usually is down for about 2 hours. Naps and bedtime are still really easy and drama free.

Carver still extremely dislikes having his teeth brushed. We've tried a dozen ways to work on this and no luck so far. I'm convinced his teeth are going to rot out of his head despite my best efforts to get his teeth brushed daily. His doctor said to not fight him with it but I despise him going to bed without having his teeth brushed. It just seems so wrong.

His favorite things are still balls of any size or shape, blocks for building things, puzzles, and playing outside. He is also getting a greater interest in books, both for us to read to him and those he "reads" by himself. Lately he has been really affectionate with the dogs too, especially Winston. I think they are going to be great friends one day.

It has been extremely fun going through all of these changes with Carver over these last two years. Learning to be a parent, figuring things out together. Making a lot of mistakes, and having many enormously rewarding moments. I'm really looking forward to the changes that will come in the next months and years.

There's never a dull moment in our household :)

Grief

Delia died yesterday.

I don't know how else to say it, or write it. I don't know how to better lead into something that is so tragic to me.

I don't know how to process this terrible grief. I don't know how to accept this new life change. I don't know how to let go and move on and keep living like things are normal.

Because Delia was my "normal."

She was a part of my life for 6 years and 9 days. I have written a number of times on here about what she means to me, so I won't do it again (see here, here, here, and here). Almost from the moment she was brought into my life I have been dreading this day. The day she would die and a little bit of me would die with her. I wondered, abstractly, if maybe the dread or anticipation of her dying would be the worst part. But it wasn't. The worst part was climbing into bed the first night without her and feeling this completely overwhelming grief and sadness and just incredible weight of loss. It was, and is, absolutely crushing.

I have lived in Georgia, in this house, for 6 years and 4 months. Delia has lived here with me for 6 full years. I have no place here that I don't associate with her. I have spent more time with her over the last 6 years than any other living, breathing, thing.

She has been a comfort and a joy to me as I transitioned into living in a place that has been difficult for me to adjust to. She was unwaveringly loyal, affectionate, and present in my day to day life. Now I don't know how to live.

I have so few memories of the last 6 years that do not in some way involve her. My life and routine involved her each day. So, how do I not think about her?

I was not home when she died. I always take her with me when I travel. This time she stayed home with Daniel. Do I feel thankful that I wasn't there to literally witness her death? Or do I further mourn missing her last few days? Would she have found comfort in having me with her? I just can't say. But I am convinced that watching her die would have broken something inside of me that might not have healed. I am so very thankful that Daniel was with her at the end, and thankful that he has never made me feel like the excess of my grief is unwarranted. He loved her differently, but he loved her still.

I can't talk about the details of her death, but we think it was quick and, hopefully, relatively painless. It was unexpected.

The decision has been made to have no more "companion" dogs after Lea dies. It is too difficult for me. I can't separate this love I have for Delia (and Lea) into a "pet" category that makes it less painful and more acceptable when they pass. But I will never regret Delia. I know, without doubt, that God gave her to me to help me through a really difficult time in my life-- moving, transitioning to a new city and state, with no friends, and a lot of alone time. And I don't particularly care if people judge my grief as unfounded, or exaggerated, or even ridiculous.

At the end of my life she will still be on the short list of my great loves. She was a gift, a cherished, precious, gift.

If I had the power I would move mountains to bring her back. Since I am still slightly in touch with reality and know that isn't possible, I'll just continue to grieve, and to wish things were different, and to love her like I always have.

Because death can't change love.

Hollytree Cordelia
"Delia"
August 1, 2002- January 4, 2012

(I have, probably, well over 100 pictures of Delia, these are just a few. I may post more later. For now, I am taking a hiatus from public social life. This may last a few days or a few months. I just don't know anymore).