Dear Carson,
Tomorrow you turn 4! This is the first year that you have been eagerly anticipating your birthday. You've been counting down each day on our calendar and you've been actively involved in the party plans-- even trying to make changes at the last minute :) You are extremely opinionated and exuberant in your excitement. Your anticipation of your big birthday party makes all the stress so completely worth it.
Carson, this last year has been a wild ride. You followed in your brother's footsteps and really came into your own personality after your 3rd birthday. We've had some really challenging days in the last 12 months. You have an enormous personality that just bursts forth. You are friendly to everyone, even complete strangers. You are hilarious-- I can't even adequately describe how funny you really are. You say something noteworthy every single day. Literally, every day. Having you in our family has brought such laughter and love. You are happiness personified. Full of life and laughter and smiles. So much joy is wrapped up in your little body. You are also strong-willed and sometimes defiant. You want everything to go your way and you let your displeasure be known if it doesn't :)
This year was the last year that I had you home with me some weekday mornings-- starting next year you will be gone five mornings a week. And my heart has struggled so much with this. Carver is in school full-time-- so you have become my sidekick. And I am so going to miss our days together, just the two of us. Over these last few months you have (finally) started liking pizza, which led to a new tradition of ours-- lunch at Pizza Hut. We go a couple of times a month and we sit in the same booth (you call it "our spot") and you eat pepperoni pizza topped with shredded cheese from the salad bar. You get your very own Sprite and you now feel comfortable enough to ask our server to change the channel on the TV because you want to watch Paw Patrol. I love this simple lunch date.
This past year has been full of growth and changes. You have an enormous vocabulary and you talk constantly. You ask a ton of really good questions and you genuinely want to know the answer. You (randomly) start most sentences with the word, "Even." You are extremely bright, eager to learn, and you love school.You are going to go so far, little one.
Throughout the day you tell me that you love me, over and over, And you tell me that I am "the best mom in the whole world." Somehow you must know that I need to hear these things every day (because age 3 has been hard!). You love to hug and kiss and hold hands, and you love to show me the "I Love You" sign. You come and get into bed with me during the early morning hours, every single night. You bring your pillow and a couple of your favorite friends and then climb in to snuggle with me. It's crowded and I sleep terribly and those are the moments I will SO miss in a few years, as you start to grow up.
I hope you are happy. I hope that you feel joy and contentment. You bring so much joy to our lives--- I can't even describe it. You fill every inch of my heart and sometimes I am convinced it will just burst open.
The word I am praying over you for this next year is bravery. Carson, this world we live in is crazy. And sometimes it is scary. There are so many things that we don't agree with. It becomes harder and harder to publicly live out our Christian faith. To strive for Christ-likeness even amidst so much sin and hurt. Once you love Jesus and put your faith in him you will be asked for much. I pray that you will boldly declare the work of the Lord. I pray that you will view Heaven, and not this world, as your home. And that your life is safe and full and content-- but most importantly I pray that you live fearlessly in Jesus. That you cultivate so much faith and so much love that you are brave and bold and confident in anything you are called to do.
It is an honor and a privilege to be your mother. Even the hard days are still so very good. I spent much of my earlier life wondering what my purpose was, and how God could use me. And now, I think that you are my "mission field." You and your brother. Carson-- you ask so many good questions-- keep it up! Love Jesus-- nothing else matters. You are kind and funny and smart. You are a gift to me, every day. My heart just overflows with this crazy, scary, love.
I can't help but feel a little sad that you are turning 4. But I am so unbelievably proud of you. And I love you more than I could describe. I hope that you never doubt that. Your daddy and I think you are such a gift.
There is something about you Carson, something unique and appealing. You draw people in--it isn't something that you have learned it is just something inside you.
Carson, be brave. We were called to love Jesus, and to share the good news. Be brave. Stand up for what is right. Speak truth, even when other's won't.
Be brave. This is not our home.
Carson, you and your brother are the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. Take care of others. Love boldly and live loudly. Don't be afraid to love Jesus and don't be afraid to share his message with others.
I'm sad you are turning 4, but I am also overwhelmingly grateful for you. You are precious to me. So extremely precious.
I love you to the moon and back, about a thousand times over. Thank you for loving me back, in all my failings and weaknesses. You love me so well and you make every single day just a bit brighter.
Happy birthday sweet boy.
Love,
Mama
