Carver's First Field Trip

At the beginning of October Carver had his first field trip. Of course I went along, which means Cargy did also! Carver had fun, and Carson was a complete pain. But, it was fun getting to be with Carver for another "first."

Carver's class! (Plus one from the 2-day class)

He only stopped fussing when he was holding this enormous pumpkin.

Fall Phone Dump

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. Every time Fall arrives I say it is my favorite time of year...then Spring comes and I say the same thing. But, I love Fall. LOVE.

I love the cooler weather.

I love the changing of the leaves.

I love the colorful sunsets.

And I love Fall activities.

Here are some of the random things we did this Fall season.

In September we headed to Nana and Papa's house for a fun weekend. The main attraction-- Thomas the Train! The boys loved it.

Carson got his first temporary tattoo. He hated it :)

Grandmama sent Carver a couple of packages this Fall. He was SO excited...

Carson developed a love of stealing my drinks. He even likes coffee....

We made Cinnamon Spice Play-doh-- my favorite!

We have been letting the boys take baths with glow sticks every now and then. It is a great fall/winter easy activity-- it works best when it is very dark and in the summers, the boys are in bed before it gets totally dark. They love doing this and it is super cheap to pick up packs of glow sticks from Walmart and let them play in the tub.

I stumbled across this curious combination and it was life-changing. Try it.

We made a nature collage while Cargy was napping one day!

And we spent a couple of evenings at camp-- the leaves are amazing out there.

In October my parents came up for a quick weekend visit. We headed to the pumpkin patch for the third year in a row-- it is becoming a family fall tradition.

Impossible to get a decent family picture.

On the hay ride with Grandmama.

Cargy and Granddaddy,

We headed to the Dillard House for lunch one day. The drive was beautiful and we love eating there and wandering around looking at the animals in the "farm zoo."

Playing outside on a cool night. The boys liked picking my flowers that are normally off limits (they were about to die from the upcoming cold weather anyway).

Jenny came for a visit. Yay!

And, just because he is cute....

Aunt Holly sent the boys a fun Halloween package and Carson was obsessed with these light up dinosaurs.

My cute lunch dates.

We went to a fun birthday party at the park. This is Eli, one of Carver's best friends!

In mid October I headed to Kansas City for a MOPS conference. 

 

A mashed potato bar!

Making some form of GAK....

We had a fun fall! Having kids is such a complex thing. They make days so much harder (let's be honest), but they also make them SO MUCH BETTER. I love getting to spend my days with them, planning activities and making the most of each season.

Carver: On your fourth birthday...

Dear Carver,

Tomorrow is your fourth birthday. My heart hurts a little when I think about you turning 4. You are so quickly moving out of the toddler years and becoming  a "big boy" and my heart just doesn't feel ready for you to no longer be "baby sized." Your head hits above my waist when you are standing beside me, and when I pick you up to carry you upstairs I have to admit, I get a little winded. You are just growing and changing and getting bigger and bigger. You have lost your baby fat and you are beginning to get the lanky build of an older child. Your pants are too short but the waist is too big-- you're tall and skinny for the first time in your life.

This last year has been a little rocky for me. I'm sure you already know that. You see me all day long, good and bad moments, you probably see more of my true self than anyone else in the world. I'm not sure that is a good thing. I had a hard year, sweet boy, and I think you were sometimes dragged along for a very rough ride. Again I didn't meet my self-imposed standard of being a perfect mom this year. I'll aim for that again next year, and even though I'll fall short, maybe I'll get a little closer to the goal.

Every year when I am starting to think about your "birthday letter" a word usually pops into my head. Usually it just seems so clear that this is the word that I will use when praying for you over the upcoming year. Lately, the word that I keep coming back to when I think about you is gratitude. I want to really work on instilling in you a sense of gratefulness. I want you to see all that we have and realize how blessed you are-- and when you learn to truly be thankful for what you have, I hope you will be burdened with the need to help provide for others. Every day we have a dozen things we could be thankful for. At least a dozen things. Every single day. I want to show you how to recognize these things and be truly, genuinely, thankful.

I also want to work this year on showing you how incredibly grateful I am for you. I want you to go to bed every night knowing that we thank God for you. I want you to get up every morning knowing that you are one of the greatest blessings in my life... not so that you will become arrogant or self-righteous, but so that you will never doubt your worth. I do not deserve you. I fear that you will always be teaching me more than I could ever hope to teach you.

You show me, so clearly, where and how I fall short, and you don't even know you are doing it. You convict me to change my actions, my attitudes, and to let go of my pride. I lose my patience with you every single day and then you come back and kiss me and tell me that you "love me very much" and I feel the guilt and deep, deep, desire to not fail you again. So, I hug you tight, kiss your sweet face, ask you to forgive me, and promise to do better tomorrow. And, you are always so quick to forgive and forget. I have so much to learn from you.

Carver, I am so incredibly proud of you. You have the sweetest heart. You love with every inch of yourself. You are sensitive, and kind, and empathetic. You are crazy and joyful and stubborn and sometimes unpredictable. You are affectionate and inquisitive and a hot mess. You have become so good at asking questions, engaging in conversations, playing independently, being patient, and asking for help. You just seem so much older these last few months.

I know that Carson's arrival somewhat altered the dynamics of our family, and even the relationship between us. But, I am so thankful for you. I am so thankful for the distinct relationship I have with you. I love you more than I could ever put into words. You entering my world four years ago changed me in such profound ways-- mostly for the better.

What can I say, Carver, except that I am trying really hard. Struggling a lot, but getting back up and trying again the next day to be enough for you. To meet your needs, love your heart, hug your neck. Thanks for "loving me very much" despite my so very obvious shortcomings. I want so many things for you in the years to come. I love watching how you change each year and I so anticipate what all will come next.

Foster gratefulness in your life, Carver. A grateful heart will draw others to you. It will give you what you need to foster contentment in your day to day life. It will help you to care for others as you see needs around you. And it will help you to always know your worth as your Daddy and I remind you all the time that we are lucky, blessed, and extraordinarily grateful that you are ours and we are yours.

Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mama

Carson-- Months 15-17

Oh my poor neglected second born. Okay, not really neglected, but he has not been given ample time on the blog lately and there is a lot to report!

I think this precious boy might end up being just as strong-willed as his brother. He is very vocal, and already seems to have quite a temper-- especially when he doesn't get his way. He still loves to be held and wants me to pick him up or carry him around the house with me as I go about my day. He is slowly gaining a little independence and will play some on his own or venture into a different room without one of us with him. He is adored at church because he likes to cuddle and has such an incredibly sweet spirit, though he screams and cries every single time we leave him in the nursery-- but just for a few minutes. He is becoming incredibly verbal-- he says: mommy, daddy, carver, bye bye, thank you, my milk (or just milk), cracker, walk, get out (when he wants out of his highchair or the bathtub), no, please, more (signs this also), ball, deep/wide (when "singing" the song), Lea, and probably many more I am forgetting. He has far far exceeded where Carver was verbally at this age.

The big news right at his 15th month was that he started walking! He was walking all over the house and doing a great job. He walked for about 4 or 5 days and then abruptly stopped. He didn't walk again until he was almost 17 months old. Crazy.

His first weekend of walking.

Hanging out in a walmart bathroom during a potty break for big brother.

He loves to play outside! 

He also loves to unload baskets, bags, drawers, etc.

One of our first "activities" during Carver's time away at school-- he loved it!

The boys love playing in the back of our closet, they laugh and Carver tells Carson stories and yells for me to "take a picture!" of them.

Oh that smile.

They love each other. They fight like crazy, but they really love each other.

He loves picture books. He is a little less patient when reading books with words.

Laundry baskets are endlessly entertaining.

Carson got sugar and cookies MUCH earlier than his big brother. Hard to say no when his brother is sitting next to him eating a delicious looking treat.

Sometimes I just have to escape. Carson will watch me through the door, sometimes crying, but often laughing, smiling, waving, and making faces at me through the window.

Some days all he wants to do is cry. And whine. And follow me around the house.

A little mustache fun.

He has an odd interest in smelling things. Like these green onions.

This is what he does while I am getting ready in my room. He opens up my jewelry chest and plays with my necklaces.

Visiting Daddy out at camp.

Blurry, but goodness, I adore that smile. It kills me.

He, much like his brother, likes to steal my drinks. Coffee, coke,...all great things for a 17 month old to be drinking.

I am so curious to see how Carson will grow and change in the coming months. The changes come so rapidly in these early days, sometimes I feel like he is changing too quickly and I do not get enough time with each phase he goes through. He and his brother are extremely different from each other-- in looks and personality. It's funny how two boys with the same parents and the same upbringing can be so unique. This age that Carson is approaching is one of my very favorite. He is not exactly the easy baby I had secretly hoped for, but he is infinitely more than  I could have ever imagined. He may be on the small side but he has a big personality and an even bigger heart. I love his laugh, his enormous grin and his crazy curls that his Daddy desperately wants to cut. 

These boys drive me absolutely crazy. I yell more than I should and retreat to the porch or another room to hide from them from time to time-- but they are so much more than I deserve and have provided my life with a focus that I had never had before. Staying at home with them sometimes feels like I am giving up on my own goals for furthering my education or career-- but well, this is the only thing I can imagine doing right now. Such a small window of time to raise these boys to be civilized and useful members of society. I can't really think of anything I would rather be doing right now. So, my house is a mess, I'm exhausted all the time, I sit on the floor and cry when I have just yelled at them and hurt their hearts out of my impatience, I lay in bed and wonder how I could do better, be better, I worry about the amount of sugar they eat and the amount of screen time they have each day and I vow that tomorrow I will be a perfect mom and we will have a perfect home and my kids will eat perfect meals and so on. And, of course that never happens and I am back on the floor crying about my inadequacies. But despite all this I am blessed. And content. And happy. And hopeful. Because of them. Those two precious boys.